Loneliness, frustration, pain, fear, and betrayal of those we love most. The lack of clarity When trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Two years had passed since the last city change, and as things could not be so linear, we were starting another cycle and going back to live in the city where I was born.
Due to the change, I lost my friends once again. There was no computer or cell phone at that time, remembering that it was only twenty years ago. Telephone minutes were costly, and gossip used to take more than thirty minutes. The solution was to make new friends.
The fifteen years mark the time of the first kisses, of hidden smoking, loud music, rock, boys sitting on one side of the party and the girls on the other, waiting for the guys to approach and invite them to dance. Those who smoked and drank were popular; they were part of the "cool guys." As I feared death and the possibility of my mother discovering something, let's say that being cool was not my style.
During the parties, I was very frustrated because, as I was overweight, the boys invited only the skinny girls to dance. I was always left behind.
The weekend was coming up, the program was already planned, and the logistics of how to convince the parents that everything would be under control at my best friend's house was impeccable. Discovering America must have been almost the same sensation as spending the weekend without parents — the dream of any teenager.
A sense of freedom, a messy night, and a pillow fight were the beginning of the adventure of six "women" between the ages of fifteen and sixteen. At such times, revolutionary ideas always arise, things like participating in another party. A real party!
The adrenaline hit! The uproar started with the rush of who would take a shower first, fighting over the use of the mirror, makeup, and hairdryer. The urge to do something different was so great that we were all ready to walk two kilometers to reach the party thirty minutes later. It was as if we were the owners of the world or part of the film Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones - 1981 film) in the hunt for unknown independence; after all, everything that is prohibited is more interesting, isn't that right?
At the party, there was sound, drinks, cigarettes, and kisses everywhere. I was obviously with my mother - in spirit - "stuck" to my neck, just watching to see if I was doing something wrong. With this mental panic, they all enjoyed everything they could and some more, except me. I didn't drink or smoke, I didn't kiss anyone, and I was called "the old-fashioned chubby girl." But imagine if my mother found out? If I had already been beaten because of a kiss, I certainly was not willing to risk my whole life and my white teeth for one night (break for a drama).
In groups of friends, there are always some more courageous people who decide to risk their lives and try their luck. In that case, it was my best friend's sister, the crazy one, and the black sheep of the group. The mixture of different types of alcohol results in disastrous consequences at any age and, consequently, the end of the party for us, who have to carry the drunk body back home. We were very attached to each other, and no matter what might happen, the deal was to be together at all cost, be it either in the healthy times or in the cleaning of the house, vomited all over, at four in the morning.
The concern to keep everything clean and without any track of dirtiness was not our specialty, not at that age. Everything was perfectly organized, from our perspective, and well managed for a Sunday morning when the car horn sounded with the first mother coming to rescue the little princess. Obviously, the mother was mine.
The angel-faced wonder women squad were backing themselves up so that they could say goodbye to one of the troop's team members. Why did she have to pick me up so early? After a few murmurs, a sequence of the "FBI" interrogation started:
YOU ARE READING
Where to start when you don't know where to go.
Non-Fiction"When we stop to think about what we really want for our future, we often find ourselves lost, afraid, ashamed to expose our true "craziness" to the people closest to us. In our culture we greatly estimate the value of safety and avoid risk at all c...
