You Try (Even when the world doesn't want you to|| WayV Lucas Angst

Dissociation and arrythmia- a normal day in Xuxi's life pt.3

I am BACK with the end of chapter 4

This chapter had no business being so hard to write wtf. 

Anyway, enjoy!!

__

You see, Baekhyun is an understanding man. He is a good, empathetic, understanding man.

As he reads hateful comment after hateful comment, poisonous word after poisonous word he doubts his previous statement. A bubble of rage is born inside his chest, and as much as he wants to fling the device in his hand to the other side of the room, he takes a breath and leaves it inside his bag. Next to his shirt, hat, and mask, and soon he realises he's been staring at the object for way too long.

He huffs a breath before standing up from his spot on the practice room floor. Kai is staring at him in that way of his, with that tilt of his head and Baekhyun finds it slightly amusing, enough for his mouth to break into a small smile. That seems to please Kai, as a delicate smile decorates his lips as well before his body is turned the other way around, looking directly into the reflection in the mirror instead.

Baekhyun wishes he could look at the mirror like that, without the all-consuming guilt overwhelming his senses. He wishes he could feel that sane.

Baekhyun assumes this is only a fraction of what Xuxi must have been feeling...must be feeling.

He realises he's zoning out the second the music starts, and Kai is staring at him again, only this time through the mirror. The older boy smiles sheepishly and hurries to his position, gaining an unamused stare from the choreographer.

The music feels like an earthquake shaking his body, and in the middle of the chaos, there is an empty space. An empty space in the choreography, an empty space in the room, in the song, in his heart.

Is this how the WayV members feel every time they dance? - he asks himself, not for the first time that evening.

He dances around the space, avoiding the emptiness at all costs. His feet stomp the ground around it while dust collects inside the untouched spot.

Until another member steps on it.

It's necessary - he tells himself. It's irrational to want to not step on that one specific spot - he tries to convince his subconscious.

Baekhyun fails. Miserably at that.

Because not only does he fail, but he feels tears prickling at his eyes and he's suddenly very aware of the fact that Mark is standing- is replacing Xuxi in this choreography. That the spot is not only being stepped on but Xuxi is being changed, replaced, substituted, superseded, displaced, a synonym. At the end of the day, all are synonyms for the same thing: forgotten . And it's unforgivable. It's obvious that the others aren't too happy about the situation either, but...they were told, they were instructed, ordered and there's nothing any of them can do about it.

They have to move on.

It's not like Xuxi is dead.

But he almost is - his brain unhelpfully supplies.

It makes him pause, stumble on his feet, and if it wasn't for Kai's hands holding him up, he would've had a nice meeting with the floor. He doesn't, thankfully. He does have to face the younger's worried face and a frustrated choreographer and he thinks that perhaps his meeting with the floor would've gone rather smoothly.