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★★★
That night, Luma was playing MarioKart while Spotify played on their computer. Their way of recovering. Once in a while, a song that would hit too close to home would play, causing Luma to be immersed in their thoughts. Right now, 'Another Love' by Tom Odell played. Luma actually had no clue how it came on as they've never added it to their playlists.
"And if someone hurts you, I wanna fight. But my hands been broken one too many times. So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude. Words they always win, but I know I'll lose. And I'd sing a song, that'd be just ours. But I sang 'em all to another heart. I wanna cry and I wanna learn to love. But all my tears have been used up on another love."
Luma sniffled, causing them to hide their face with their arm. Luma just won the Grand Prix when the song came on, so they didn't begin to cry during a round. They looked at their hands, realizing how much certain parts related to them.
Ever since their grandpa died, they have used their voice and were rude because everything in their life was crumbling down and they didn't have enough strength to fight on. Their words were quite big for their age as they are very articulate so they can be impactful.
But in the end, it didn't do anything.
They still had to watch the two most important people in their life die. So, no matter how much they say or stand up for themselves, they'd never get their grandparents back.
Luma sang all their love to their grandpa. They were soulmates, they believed. Because they knew soulmates didn't have to be just romantic. Luma thought the phrase was cringy but they did consider them and their grandpa kindred spirits.
After everything happened with their old friends, they promised themselves they'd never be vulnerable around absolutely anyone ever again. They also promised themselves they'd never truly fall in love, knowing it was a concept that'll never work out for them.
They wanted to cry. Everything that has happened in their life has taken a toll on them. Sometimes, they just can't take it. They wanted to learn to love, again, at least. Deep down inside them. They wanted a partner who was loyal and loved and supported them unconditionally. They still have no intention to get married.
No one could replace their grandpa's place in walking them down the aisle. No one. Their tears were all used up on another love.
Luma leaned their head against the wall as they sat in their bed. Their skin and midnight blue Victoria's Secret pajama set shining from the moonlight from outside. Luma needed more bras and they saw the pajamas and bought them, hoping they'd give them a confidence boost. They shut their eyes, causing the tears to stream down their face.
