(Note: the words that Olivia writes will be in this text and the words she scribbles out will be written in this text just to make easier to read)
___________________________________________
Olivias Apartment is quiet, dark, the only light on is in her bedroom. Noah's at a sleepover tonight which means Olivia has no more excuses to put off the homework her therapist had gave her
_____ one week ago
Peter pulled out an empty notebook from his desk drawer and hands it towards her "this notebook is Elliot, talk to him" he said
Olivia took the notebook and gave him a look like he's crazy "seriously?" She asked
Peter chuckles softly "yes, it's one-sided I know but, maybe this will help you figure out why you make excuses for him, why you blame him for things he wasn't there for" he said
Olivia glances at the simple colored notebook "if you say so" she said
____ now
Olivia sits in her bed, leaning back against her headboard with her knees pulled up, the notebook opened wide in front of her...blank, it's been blank since Peter gave it to her a week ago
"This is Elliot....this is Elliot" Olivia said quietly to herself
She takes a deep breath and puts her pen to the paper, she exhales and ...nothing, not a single word comes to mind. She closes her eyes and let's her mind wander back to September 1999, a memory she hasn't let herself think about since the day he left
"Sex crimes?" The homicide detective asked
"Olivia Benson"
"Elliot Stabler"
Olivia opens her eyes "I can't do this" she said quietly and sat the notebook on her nightstand "sober" she added and headed off to the kitchen. Moments later she came back with a full glass and bottle of wine in her hand, she set the two on her night stand got back into her original position, somewhere from her bedroom to the kitchen and back she thought of a way to start her one sided conversation
Dear El
She crossed it out immediately, she's not writing this to him
I
Olivia crosses single letter out again, she takes another sip from her glass before trying one more time. She closes her eyes for a moment and let's her brain pick a memory, no helping, whatever comes, comes, and by did it
"Yeah I'm regular monk"
"Monkette"
Olivia remembers his tone, his stance, the long stare he gave her as they stood by the car, she looks down at her papers
Why did you stare at me that day? One of our first cases, we walked back to the car, talking about seemingly nothing yet you stared at me, why?
Olivia grabs her wine glass and takes another sip, she stares at the notebook as if she wasn't the one who just wrote out her first question to him, and of all the questions she's had over the years about why he left her..why did she choose this one?
Suddenly, without her even trying his voice pops in his head
"Look, we both choose each other over the job, we won't let that happen again..other wise, we cant be partners"
Olivia feels her heart drop to her stomcah as if he's saying that to her now. her homework was to talk to Elliot about why he left, why she makes excuses for him, so why is the only thing coming to her mind everything that happened before
You were my best friend, the partner I trusted more than anyone, the thought of you asking for a new partner felt like I was going to die...then the day you actually left I almost did. You disappeared, you didn't have the respect I thought you did for me to just tell me you were leaving. I pushed everyone away, I pushed Amanda away, I pushed Nick away, I wanted you back, I needed you back. I called up a thousand times, I texted, not once did you pick up the goddamn phone and answer me
Olivia hits the second to last line of the first page, she pauses, she swollows the lump in throat causing tears to fill her eyes
I want you back
Olivia immediately scribbles that last part out, almost maniacally, as if god forbid she wants him back now. She grabs her glass and finishes off the last of her wine before pouring more in the glass. She stares down at the notebook again
"Peter didn't say I had to fill the book in one night" Olivia said as she read over what she had wrote before she closed it
She'll try again tomrrow after her session with Peter
YOU ARE READING
confess your feelings to set you free(Elliot And Olivia)
FanfictionOlivia Benson was given a notebook by her therapist Peter Lindstrom, she was asked to use to the notebook as if was Elliot Stabler, write down everything she wants to say to him, about him, whatever it may be that she's feeling, just get out (this...
