confess your feelings to set you free(Elliot And Olivia)

secrets and conclusions

Olivia sits across from Peter, picking the paint on her nails as she waits quietly, she feels and looks exhausted, after last night's writing session the last thing she wants to do is talk about it

"You wrote a lot more this time" Peter said finaly breaking the silence "I made an appearance in this as well" he joked

Olivia nods, still staying quiet, it's one thing to open up to a therapist, to feel comfortable enough to speak to someone, it's another to have them read the words you wrote durring a mental break down that's been building for 10 years

Peter watches her for a moment before he moves to the next page a moment "what made you stop?" He asked

Olivia clears throat, trying to hide the scratchy-Ness of her voice that's stuck around since last night "I-I couldn't stop crying...I needed a break and Noah would be home soon" she said

Peter shuts the notebook "well, im glad to see you took my advice, it seems you went through a lot of emotions this time" he said and shifted in his seat "but why did you cross out that you need him?" He added

Olivia stayed quiet as she as looked down at her fingers

Peter watches her, she's never been this quiet, which concerned him, "Olivia?" He asked

Olivia glances up at him

"You need him?, present tense" Peter asked

Olivia shakes her head "I crossed it out for a reason..I dont want to talk about that" she said quick

Peter nods, she's never refused a topic before..that concerned him even more"okay, let's talk about -" he said before Olivia cut him off

Olivia takes a deep breath "I didn't realize I was that mad at him still..that I was that angry with him" she said

Peter nods "its understandable Olivia, we tend to push down our true feelings when we're around people who used bring us comfort" he said

Olivia shakes her head "thats the problem, he still brings me comfort, with all the stress and anxiety of him being back...i still feel comfort when hes around, he -" olivia stops, shes said too much shes not ready for, she shifts her chair "I think I blame him as just a way for me to keep him at arms length, even though i want what we had again, i cant stand the thought...the pain, of being hurt by him again" she added

Peter opens the notebook up "You said you hate him-" he said before Olivia cut him off again

"I dont..not like that at least" Olivia said

Peter keeps looking down the at the notebook "you hate him for leaving you" he said

Olivia looks down at her fingers again "are we really going to go through it word for word?" She asked

Peter looks up at her "I just want to know your thought process of it, your words are heavy, but what were you feeling?" He asked

Olivia takes a deep breath "everything...sadness, anger...rage" she said

"You never told me about this letter, its from Elliot?" Peter asked

Olivia shakes her head "his wife..Kathy, she wrote it for him and he told me he wrote it" she said

Peter tilts his head "that's intresting, do you want to talk about that?" He asked

Olivia closes her eyes for a moment "no" she said and looked at him, she sighs "it was pointless in every sense of the word, I..he said he wrote it, but really he only wrote the last line" she said and stoped realizing shes talking about it even though she just said she didn't want to