a little death (zach abels)

chapter twelve - the party's in the bus

i looked around and took note of what i was seeing - a totally diverse group of people, most of which were... half naked. i could've sworn most of the women were dancers who just finished their shift at a strip club or something. meanwhile, my hair was a mess, i still had mascara smeared all over my face, and what i was wearing did not look appropriate for a nightclub.

it was my first time leaving the hotel and stepping onto the streets of vegas, and i already felt out of place.

"do you think i look okay?" i said, almost whispering. i realized i hadn't spoken ever since jen and i left zach's suite.

"you look beautiful," jennifer smiled, her eyes looking over what i was wearing. i turned to look at her directly. "for once, i don't want to be beautiful. i want to be sexy. we're in vegas, for fucks sake. i don't want to look like the little girl people mistaken me to be - i want someone to take one look at me and think, 'holy shit, i want to carry her to my bedroom, i wanna throw her onto my bed, and i wanna fuck the life out of her,' you know?"

jennifer's wide eyes stared at me, her mouth slightly open as she remained speechless. "damn girl, i didn't know you had it in you," jennifer laughed. "so you are a party animal huh? alright, let's see how much of vegas you can really handle. we'll head over to my place and i'll let you borrow a real outfit. then, we'll hit the clubs. and not just some teen club or whatever, we're gonna get into the real shit."

i laughed, feeling appreciative of jennifer's support. "but i'm not even eighteen yet," i sighed. "babe, i've been in this place for a while now. i have friends, you know," she smirked.

and with that, jennifer waved her hand up high, motioning a cab to pull over.

—

jennifer lived in a small apartment on the outskirts of downtown. we got there quite quickly, despite the traffic. we tipped the taxi driver a few bucks before heading up into her place.

"we've got no time to waste, honey, it's already half past two. i'm gonna call up some friends and figure out what we should do tonight. you go ahead and tear up my closet," jennifer smiled at me as she let me into her room. she then disappeared into the hall, leaving me alone.

i had to admit, i was so lucky that jen and i were the same size. most things in her closet were a bit flashy, but i felt like wearing something mellow. i grabbed a black faux-leather pencil skirt, and a white lace-trim crop top. i matched it with my own platformed boots and leather jacket i had worn just before leaving to go to zach's room.

my phone rang just then. i looked at it a bit hesitantly, but felt a rush of relief when i saw that it was samantha.

"hello," i answered the phone. "nikki, please tell me you didn't tell him you love him," her voice rang in my ear. "i didn't," i whispered, my heart aching. "good, but... do you?"

samantha's question made me think for a moment, even though i already knew the answer. even after everything i had seen tonight, i knew that i still loved him.

"how did you even know about anything?" i asked sam. "it was all over the place. it was even trending on twitter. there were photos of him and this blonde chick getting all cozy and shit. i called to warn you, but i was too late," she explained. "late is better than never. i appreciate it, sam," i sighed into the phone, before telling her i needed to go.

i sat on jennifer's floor, feeling sick to my stomach. i guess that whatever happened that night hadn't hit me until then. i started feeling like i didn't want to do anything anymore - i didn't wanna see anyone, or talk to anyone, or go anywhere or do anything. jen came in the room and got down to her knees next to me. "shit, nicole, are you alright?" she asked, a worried look in her eyes. i didn't know i was crying until she wiped a tear off my cheek. she pulled me into a tight hug, making me cry more. shit, i feel even worse when people comfort me. that's how you know it's bad.