a little death (zach abels)

chapter eight - a little death: night two

i woke up, and i had almost forgotten where i was - so i spent the first few seconds of the morning in a total panic attack.

i dragged myself out of the bed and made my way over to the bathroom. the door was closed. i knocked on it a few times, to make sure i wouldn't walk in on zach doing his business.

there was no answer, so i decided to walk in. and he wasn't there.

"zach?" i called, walking out of the bathroom. "zach, are you here?" i kept calling for him.

my heart was racing. i don't like the idea of being alone in a place i'm completely unfamiliar with. in fact, being alone is one of the one things i've been afraid of, ever since i was a child. not just some little fear, but diagnostically afraid.

"no, nikki, don't think about that," i tried calming myself down. my heart was pounding at this point, i could feel myself starting to sweat - and the walls began closing in on me. "zach!" i cried, at the top of my lungs.

"somebody, please," i whispered, almost breathless. at this point i was desperate for help, i needed to see someone else here with me or i would've lost it. my knees became weak and i fell to the floor. i tried controlling my breathing. "he didn't forget you, nicole, please," i spoke to myself - my own voice not even sounding familiar anymore.

i was drowning in my own screams.

i suddenly felt firm arms wrap around me from behind - the arms i am familiar with. zach carried me up onto the bed and sat next to me, completely taking my body into his arms. "shh, nikki, i'm here," he whispered, his voice very shaky. i glanced at his face; he was crying, and he seemed terrified.

"i'm sorry, zach," i said, only some of my weak voice escaping my mouth. "no, nikki, i'm sorry," he hugged me even tighter. even though he didn't want to, he let go to get me a glass of water. shaking violently still, i wasn't able to hold the glass, so zach had to help me out with that too. i didn't have the energy to speak. either that, or shame was taking over me.

i shut my eyes for a few moments, and after opening them, i was no longer confused. i knew where i was, and i knew i wasn't alone. i glanced around the motel room to see that zach had dropped the bags of groceries he had probably carried in, before having to help me. he wrapped a blanket around me.

"i'm here nikki, don't you worry," he whispered. he kissed my forehead and wrapped himself around me again.

there were four very heavy knocks on the door. "police, open up!" a vicious yell came from the other end.

what?

"the door is open, officer," zach yelled, remaining pretty calm. he really didn't want to leave me. two tall, muscular men then walked into the room, guns pointed at zach and me. "i'm officer jeff, what is going on here?" one of them asked, while the other began to search the room. zach and i both put our hands up. "we got noise complaints, a lot of them. people said it sounded like a girl was being brutally murdered," he explained, staring at me.

"i'm so so sorry," i cried. i couldn't control the tears streaming down my face. "i woke up and zach wasn't here, i was so lost and confused - it was my monophobia. i had an anxiety attack, thats all, and i don't remember what happened afterwards. a few minutes later, zach was back and i was okay..."

"i'm so sorry if i caused any trouble, please," i sobbed. i felt like shit for everything. i was so stupid. i hated my monophobia, it had haunted me ever since i was a child.

"we're clear," the other officer said, after finishing his search. officer jeff nodded. "i understand. what's your name? do you need to see a doctor or anything, sweetheart?" he asked. i shook my head and glanced at zach. "it's nicole. i'm okay now, i feel safe," i whispered. zach kissed my forehead.