SOLEIL REESE FORTUEGA
If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained and he were annihilated, the unvirse would turn to a mighty stranger.
I smiled as I closed the book I was reading. It was a novel written by Emily Bronte.
Agad akong napayakap sa sarili nang maramdaman ang malamig na ihip ng hangin.
"Pa, papasok na ako sa college bukas," I talked to the tombstone in front of me.
Nakaupo ako sa nakalatag na blanket sa harapan niya.
"Engineer ang kukunin ko, pa. Mas malaking sweldo," I laughed.
Pinaglandas ko ang aking mga daliri sa pangalan niyang nakaukit.
Engineer Darcio Fortuega.
Isang taon na ang nakalipas simula nang lisanin niya ang mundo. He was drunk while driving that's why he bumped into a car, which led him to death.
Turns out, he committed suicide.
Our company got bankrupt that time and he was so devastated. They blamed him, including his wife who should be by his side.
I miss you, Dad.
Kung nandito ka lang sana, baka mas madali. Wala nang nagbibigay sa akin ng payo sa tuwing nahihirapan ako sa isang bagay. Wala na akong balikat na maiiyakan.
Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang makarinig ng mahihinang hikbi. Lumingon ako sa lalakeng iyon, ilang metro lang ang layo mula sa akin.
Nakaluhod siya sa harap ng isang puntod habang patuloy na umaagos ang kaniyang luha. He was so wrecked. Like a river, his tears wouldn't stop flowing.
I gulped.Wala sa sariling napahawak ako sa aking dibdib. Somehow, I felt his pain. Ang pakiramdam na mawalan ng mahal sa buhay.
Grief....
People tend to say you'll move through five stages of grief when you experience loss.
Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.
But what they don't tell you is that you'll cycle through them all everyday.
Paulit-ulit lang na ganoon. Isang araw, aakalain mong tanggap mo na pero sa susunod na araw, iisipin mong hindi mo kayang wala siya.
I stared at him before I walked away.
You can't truly heal from the loss until you allow yourself to feel the loss.
Pagpasok ko sa bahay ay nakakabinging katahimikan ang bumalot sa paligid.
Wala na ang boses ni papa na sumasalubong sa akin pag-uwi ko at tatanungin kung kamusta na ba ang araw ko.
I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water but I saw my mother. She was sobbing while holding a glass of wine.
"Tama na kakainom, ma," I said. "Kung sana sumama ka nalang sa akin kanina."
She wouldn't even visit her husband.
She laughed bitterly. "Para saan pa? Kapag ba binisita ko siya, babangon siya mula sa hukay?"
I sighed and didn't bother to fight with her. Tahimik akong uminom ng tubig at iniwan siya roon.
I still need to prepare for tomorrow. I am very excited. I just transferred to another school.
KINABUKASAN, ay maaga akong nagising upang maghanda. I just wore an A-line yellow dress and white sneakers.
Inugay ko ang buhok kong kulay chest nut at naglagay ng contact lense upang matakpan ang kulay ng aking matang asul at kayumanggi.
I have a Heterochromia, which is the presence of different colored eyes in the same person.
I always covered it because I'm afraid and embarrassed. Some people who have seen it called me a monster.
Since then, I always wore contact lenses.
"Ayoko na," I inhaled and exhaled to catch my breathe.
Kanina pa ako paliko-liko rito,hinahanap kung saang room ako pero bumabalik na naman ako sa dating lugar. Eh kung baliktarin ko kaya ang damit ko?
I suddenly saw a man running so I approached him.
"Kuya!" I shouted.
He stopped and looked back at me. He's tall. He looked like a playboy nga lang.
"Do you know kung saan ang room ng Engineering here?" I asked and smiled as wide as I can.
Ngumiwi siya. "Conyo, amputa," bulong niya kaya hindi ko narinig.
He smiled later on. "Tara, sabay na tayo. Parehas lang din tayo ng pupuntahan," he said.
"Oh thank you!" pagpapasalamat ko at sumabay sa kaniya sa paglalakad.
Nang makarating kami roon ay nagpasalamat akong muli bago naghanap ng uupuan. Nang makapili ay tahimik akong umupo sa harapan at iginala ang mata sa paligid.
"Okay, class. I want you to introduce yourself in front," the teacher clapped her hands.
Ganoon nga ang nangyari. Nagpakilala sila sa harapan at nang ako na ay agad akong tumayo at nangingiting naglakad papunta sa harapan.
They were all staring, waiting for me to speak but what caught my attention was the familiar man reading a book, not minding his surroundings.
I cleared my throat and spoke.
"Uhm, hi! I am Soleil Reese Fortuega, 19," pagpapakilala ko.
That's when that man finally looked at me. I smiled and walked towards my seat but he keeps staring at me.
Longingness was visible in his eyes.
Weird.
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