That One Second

Chapter 1

When she was a child, Emma had soon learned how to repress her emotions. In foster care, things had seemed to get much more complicated once she'd started crying or voicing her opinions.

She'd carried that with her when she'd grown into a full adult and even now, when she could feel anger boiling in the pit of her stomach, she didn't do anything about it. She just forced herself to smile as she cleared the table and threw away leftovers, she forced herself to keep a nice voice when her children again wouldn't listen when she told them it was time for bed and she pretended not to get annoyed when her wife arrived home, three hours late, without sending a text.

Emma was on the verge of falling asleep. She was in that place where she did hear everything that was going on around her, but she couldn't speak or move. Only when she felt the mattress dip beside her, did she fully wake up.

Her back was turned to the brunette beside her and she didn't feel like acknowledging her wife's presence. She started acting like she was asleep. Emma was incredibly angry with Regina, but she'd learned to keep that to herself, so she would.

Regina had always tried to help her open up about the negative feelings bothering her. She'd told her it was healthy to be angry or upset every once in a while and she'd attempted making clear that fights weren't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes they were needed.

But even in six years of marriage, Regina had never convinced her. Regina had convinced her of many other things, though, and she'd started thinking differently about things because of Regina. For example, she used to hate yogurt, but when Regina had introduced her to it with a perfect combination of fruit, she'd started taking a liking to it.

Getting angry was just something Emma didn't know how to do. She knew how to feel the emotion, she just didn't know how to express it. Often, it didn't bother her for more than a few days - she had no active way to let go of it, so she always waited until it'd faded - but the past few months, her annoyance had only been fueled and gotten worse with the day.

She felt Regina tug the duvet and she moved slightly closer to her wife, not wanting to lose the warmth of the comforter, but it was a giveaway to Regina that she wasn't really sleeping and Emma regretted that immediately.

"How was your day?" Regina softly inquired and wrapped her arm around Emma. Emma didn't want to talk. She wanted to close her eyes and she wanted to fall asleep, but most of all she wanted the anger to go away, because she loved Regina.

"It was okay," she muttered and squeezed her eyes shut. Regina pressed her lips against Emma's shoulder and let out a soft sigh. Emma was quite certain Regina knew something was bothering her. Her wife had tried to address Emma's feelings several times in the past few weeks, but Emma had always dismissed it.

Emma didn't ask Regina about her day. She wanted to, but she couldn't get the words over her lips. She couldn't get angry, but she also couldn't pretend everything was alright for much longer.

The conversation was over. Emma knew that, but she didn't feel any less conflicted. Part of her wanted to press herself back into Regina and let her wife cuddle and hold her, but the other part wanted to leave their home, together with the children, and never return.

~~~~

Emma was pacing around the hallway. Her heels clicked against the tiles of the floor and she gazed around as she waited for Regina to pick up her damn phone. She needed her. Their children, Henry and Hope needed her, but she wasn't there.

Her eyes drifted off to the clock. She was two minutes late. Twice a year, Henry's teacher required a talk. It was something all teachers did to inform the parents on developments in the child's knowledge and behavior and to ask about the child's situation at home and any matters they should be aware of. Henry was almost seven and Hope was four and had just enrolled in school.