That One Second

Chapter 18

"What'd I do wrong?"

Emma felt like she hadn't been in the room for more than a second, but Regina already eyed her sceptically. She was holding two coffee mugs and placed one of them on the nightstand on Regina's side of the bed.

"Nothing?" Emma said, with a raised eyebrow. Every time she blinked, she saw the letters on Regina's screen in her head. She knew she was being a hypocrite. After all, she'd been the one to ask for a divorce, but she hadn't thought they'd yet reached the place they were hiring attorneys. Maybe, part of her had hoped they'd be able to divorce without lawyers at all.

Regina squinted her eyes and sat up straight in bed, leaning against the headboard, before she grabbed her cup. "You may think I have forgotten how to notice something's bothering you, Emma, but we've been together for nearly ten years and I don't forget things that easily. What's happened? Is this about last night?"

"No," Emma replied and shrugged. She felt the familiar knot of annoyance growing in her stomach, even though that was completely her own fault. "It's nothing. Just tired."

Regina sighed softly and blew her coffee, to cool it. "Whatever you want," she muttered softly.

Emma sat down beside her in bed and offered her a weak smile. She knew she just had to tell Regina what was bothering her, but opening up to her had become much harder in the past months. She still trusted Regina more than anyone else in the world, but she knew her trust had lessened, recently.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I hired a counselor at work. They're going to help me make sure I don't overwork and talk to me about ways I can prevent a.. relapse, or however I could call it," she said. "I want to be there for the children."

Emma smiled and put her hand on Regina's thigh. "That's great," she said, with genuine joy lacing her voice. Regina looked her in the eyes, but didn't smile. Her wife cupped her cheeks and pressed her lips against Emma's.

"Will you tell me what's bothering you?"

"Your phone went off downstairs. I thought it was your alarm clock and I wanted to turn it off, but it was your divorce attorney," Emma said and swallowed. "I guess you're further along in the divorce than I am. I also didn't know we were going to hire lawyers at all. We could've done this process together, without spending excessive amounts of money on people who will defend us against each other. I don't want to fight you and I thought I didn't have to."

Regina stayed quiet for a moment and Emma felt incredibly watched. The brunette just stared at her, not moving, and let her ramble on.

"Are you done?" Regina asked, blankly, and Emma nodded quickly. She'd retracted her hand from Regina's thigh and was now awkwardly running it up and down her own leg. "First off, thank you for expressing your thoughts. I really appreciate it."

To Emma's surprise, she sounded genuine. She did really seem to mean it and that made her feel somewhat better. "Now, to be honest, I don't really think you're mad at me for talking to an attorney. I think you're angry because someone reminded you of our divorce and we fucked the entire night, so we've both just made this all a whole lot more complicated."

Emma knew Regina was right, when she spoke the words. Even the mention of the divorce, made her stomach twist, and she wished there was something she could do to go back in time and take back her words. She wanted to wake up next to Regina. The woman was working on the situation at work, so maybe they could fix it all together.

"I didn't get an attorney to fight you. Of course not. I just asked a colleague what a regular process of a divorce looks like and some extreme scenarios he's encountered. I wanted to make sure we wouldn't get such a divorce," Regina said. Emma could tell this wasn't all there was to say, but she was somewhat relieved, so far. "And, maybe.. part of me also wanted to ensure my connections in case you wanted to start a custody battle. Your case would be much stronger than mine, but maybe with a few good lawyers, I could prevent you from fully taking away the children from me."