That One Second

Chapter 14

Emma felt the sweat increasing on her hands. There was no use rubbing it off on her pants, because her entire body was burning hot. The look of intense hurt on Regina's face cut deep inside Emma and she wanted to get it away as soon as possible.

"It's not.. I mean, it's a necessity, but love is not all a marriage needs," Emma stuttered. "We both know that. I don't know if we still have what it takes to make our marriage work. You.. you've been quite cold to me these past weeks and I can't look at it objectively anymore. I don't.. I don't know, Regina. I just don't know."

Regina swallowed and straightened her posture. "I guess we're almost at the point I'd rather just have the divorce instead of this "I don't know, I do love you, but I maybe do want a divorce." You're keeping me on the hook, Emma, and it's draining me. Do you want to get a divorce, yes or no? You seemed pretty convinced of yourself during the picnic, what's changed?"

Emma looked somewhat baffled at Regina. "Everything," she said. "When you were gone all the time, I nearly forgot what it used to be like. How our marriage was when we were still there for one another, and now.. I know this sounds crude, but Henry's accident has changed everything in just one second. You've been acting very cold towards me this past week, and I still need you. When you were gone all the time, I forgot how it felt when we supported one another, but we've been spending much more time together and.." Emma shrugged, "it's changed the way I feel."

Regina didn't move. She just looked stoically at Emma and clearly waited for her to continue. Emma figured it was too late to worry about hurting Regina and it was best to start spilling the truth once again.

"But the fear of things going back the way it was is too big. Even thinking of that time makes me physically nauseous. Worrying about Henry is the only thing I allow myself to do right now, but when Henry is safe and back home, I don't know how I'll feel, mentally. Extreme worries about our marriage is something I can't deal with. That's what's draining me. So many times in the past months, I've believed things would get better and part of me feels I'm being naive if I were to give it another chance. I had a clear vision on how it was going to be in the future, but it's all messed up now."

Regina took brief time to contemplate the words. "How did you envision the future, then?"

Emma swallowed and slumped in the couch. She felt very vulnerable and she really just wanted to skip this conversation, because even though Regina was masking her emotions, Emma could tell she was hurt. She'd learned a long time ago how to see through Regina's walls and masks. Her wife couldn't keep many secrets from her, because Emma would always know something was up.

"Easier," Emma said. "A life where I would have to match work with children, but without the worries and concerns of a failing marriage. Without having to rely on you, when that feels impossible." She saw Regina's lip twitch. "I.. I'm sorry. I know I'm not being.. the least hurtful person right now and I didn't intend to upset you, but, well, I needed to have said this."

Regina swallowed and Emma noticed she was clenching her jaw. Emma hated herself in the moment. She felt as though they were really unbalanced. Either she was hurting Regina or Regina was hurting her, but they barely allowed themselves to love each other anymore. It was obvious why Regina was restraining herself on that area. After all, she didn't know what to expect from them, but even before Emma had announced she wanted a divorce love had been fading from their marriage.

"You're an addict, Regina," Emma timidly continued, when Regina didn't respond. This did get a reaction from Regina, who straightened her posture and slightly flared her nostrils.

"I am not an.."

"You don't acknowledge it, but it's true," Emma interrupted her. "I have no idea how things will be when we're all going back to normal, but you're a workaholic. At your previous job, it wasn't too bad. I barely noticed it. But I can't take it anymore."