STURNIOLO IMAGINES (REQUESTS OPEN)

matt | anxiety

please note within this imagine there will be mentions of anxiety attacks. if you find any of this triggering, please click away and find something you can do to make sure you're calm, my dms are always open if anyone wants to talk! i personally do not have anxiety so ive asked others what it may be like. 

but before we begin i just want to say that you're so strong and i am proud of everything little thing you do <3 i love you !!

also thank you kenz for your help on this one <3

today was the day, my first appearance within the triplets youtube after being announced as matt's girlfriend. filming with them already made me anxious, but knowing people will be looking at very single thing i do, waiting for me to mess up in order to hate on me terrified me. however, i couldn't bring myself to tell matt or the triplets. they all seemed so excited, i couldn't ruin that for them. 

i was sat at the front of the car in the passenger seat whilst chris and Matt sat in the back. we had just gotten our food and the boys were getting ready to film, that's when it kicked in. i felt sick to my stomach and i began fiddling with everything and anything. my knees began to bounce making me grab the blanket that i had packed and through them over my knees, hoping i wouldn't catch the eye of the boys. it didn't work.

"y/n? it's literally so warm right now, i don't think you need a blanket." nick said, peering round the passenger seat.

"yeah well um you know, i'm cold" i replied unable to make eye contact with him.

as time went on and the boys became more ready, it slowly became worse and soon enough it was at its worse. my breathing was heavy and unsteady, tears were forming in my eyes. the boys looked at me and began to realise what was going on. 

matt tried to reach out to me, making me slap his hand. "don't touch me" i said, now finding it difficult to breathe. matt pulled his hand away and placed it in his lap.

"nick and chris, just wait outside for a bit" matt said quietly 

they both nodded and got out the car, waiting outside. the car was now quiet and matt had turned around the face me.

"y/n baby, listen to me. just try and focus on your breathing first, try and steady it." 

i just nodded in response, unable to speak. 

"just look at me darling." i did so and he had now turned to face me. "breathe with me okay?" he took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds and let it go, before repeating the process. i eventually joined in and we continued to do so until my breathing was steady.

we sat in silence for a while until matt spoke.

"what happened love?" he asked softly, now taking my hand in his, tracing shapes across the lines of my palms. i took a another deep breath and gulped. "you can take your time baby"

"i was so terrified of filming today with it being the first video of me in it and plus being your girlfriend. i was terrified of what people might say, what they might do." at this point the tears had come back. "i don't think i could take it."

matt nodded listening to everything i had to say, not interrupting me once. "well first off, people are going to hate, no matter what you say or do. but what you have to realise, they are going out of their way to leave comments, say these things. if they hated you that much, they would just leave you alone. it's obvious they're bored and to be honest, it's pathetic. whatever they say, it isn't true. you are the most beautiful person i know, you have a gorgeous soul, the most prettiest face, i wouldn't change a damn thing about you. i love you so so much baby." he leant in, kissing my head, brushing his thumb against my cheek making me lean into his hand. "if you don't wanna be in the video, you don't have to okay? i can drive you back."

i just shook my head, a wave of confidence washing over me after matt's words. "i love you too, but it's okay."

"good"

he opened the door, letting the boys back in and hit record.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP YOUTUBE"

grace speaks : 

okay sorry for not updating in a while! ive been really busy, but i should be back to posting regularly or at least twice a week...maybe. anyways love you all!