forward / slash ✭ matt sturniolo

NINETEEN

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IRL
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Aria drums her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song on the radio. It's mid-July now, and New York's heat is sweltering. Aria's reaching over to turn on the air conditioner, an attempt to evade the rising temperatures. Leanna is sitting in the passenger's seat, making last-minute changes to one of her songs. Aria glances over at Leanna scribbling in her songwriting book, her eyes moving to the necklace hanging from her niece's neck.

Aria is biting her lip, the traffic in New York is worse than usual and she figures she needs to kill some time. "That's a nice necklace, Matthew has good taste."

Leanna is still writing as she replies, "Well, he knew I wanted it so technically it was really me—" Lea drops her pencil, turning her head to her aunt who is trying to suppress a smile, "How'd you know Matt got it for me?"

"I didn't," Aria presses the brake as the light turns from green to yellow, "until now."

Leanna squints at her aunt, "Did my mom tell you something?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny."

Leanna groans, shutting her book, "Why does this family not practice discretion?"

Aria laughs, the sound is boisterous as the light turns red. "It's not really how we were raised, we told our parents and each other everything." Her laughs die down, and she glances at Leanna briefly before continuing, "So, you and Matt."

"There is no me and Matt." Leanna scoffs, looking out the window.

"Then why are you wearing the necklace? You don't just wear necklaces that your ex-boyfriend gives you if you don't still have feelings for them and you don't just give your ex-girlfriend a thoughtful gift without it having an underlying meaning." Aria argues, turning on the signal as the traffic begins to subside.

"I never said I didn't have feelings for Matt, I do. He just doesn't feel the same way I do." Leanna says while picking at her fingernails.

"He said that?"

Leanna fiddles with the pendant on her necklace, "Well, no not exactly. It was implied." Resting her head on the window her eyes focus on what she assumes is a couple, outside. The man kisses the girl's temple as she speaks animatedly. Lea turns back to face her aunt, the sight making her miss Matt. "Realistically speaking we probably wouldn't have made it as a couple anyways. High school sweethearts seldom last."

The statement makes Aria uncomfortable. She bites her lip and swallows down nausea bubbling in her stomach. Aria is pulling up to the parking blockade as she takes a deep breath. "That's not always true." Her tone comes out sharp and clipped.

Leanna is taken aback by her aunt's cadence. Her aunt is more laid back, rarely ever getting angry.

"I had a high school sweetheart. His name was Hunter. We were engaged— you weren't born then." Aria puts the car in park, looking back at the clock in the car she sees that Leanna is 15 minutes early to her studio session with Columbia.

"He was kind, sweeter than any man I've ever dated. We broke up once when we were 23. I got into my Master's program in Psychology. The breakup didn't feel right.  When we did get back together, he told me why he broke up with me. He was scared about not being good enough for me because he was out of a job. Said something about me 'needing to find better.'" Aria is looking straight ahead at the cement wall encasing the parked cars inside. There is a certain haze to her eyes as she speaks. "He passed away four months before the wedding; Car accident."

Remorse floods Leanna's body. She's realizing now that her statement was a bit dickish, excuse her language, apologies are about to profusely spew from her mouth when her aunt raises her hand to stop her.

"You didn't know. It's okay." She gives Leanna a half-smile,  "But you know what I did when we were broken up?"

Leanna tilts her head to the side, waiting for the older blonde to continue.

"I wrote letters. They were never addressed to anyone.  I wrote what I was feeling and the thoughts I had regarding the whole breakup. Then I crumpled them up and threw them away." Aria states.

Leanna quirks an eyebrow, "You didn't keep them?"

"Nope."

Leanna mulls what her aunt is saying, failing to see the reasoning behind getting rid of the letters.

"There's a study that shows when we write down our thoughts on paper and throw them out, we mentally discard them out as well. It lessens the power of harmful thoughts, that's why I did it. If you really believe that Matt doesn't love you, I think you need to let the thought of you guys being together, go. The first step to moving on would be writing what you are feeling about this breakup, and throwing it away."

Leanna is about to argue the fact that she has let it go, but her aunt continues to speak.

'You're wearing the necklace, Lea. He got you the necklace. Neither of you wants to move on. You know why?" Her aunt asks, leaning across the console, "Because both of you still have feelings for each other. It's not as unrequited as you think it is."

Glancing back at the clock, Aria realizes that Leanna only has a couple of minutes to be on time for her session. "You should go now. Good luck Lea, and think about what I said."

Leanna unbuckles her seat belt and moves to get out of her aunt's car. She's walking to the elevator of the parkade, pressing the button. As she waits for the elevator doors to open, all she can hear is her aunt's words ringing through her ears.

'It's not as unrequited as you think it is

'Both of you still have feelings for each other.'

The elevator door makes dings, successfully snapping Leanna out of a trance. As she steps inside and hits the 'L' button, letting the elevator music engulf the space.

What a load of bullshit. Leanna thinks to herself as the door opens and she steps into the lobby.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

lea is so stubborn, she's just like me

what her aunt said is actually true! writing down thoughts and throwing them away is very cathartic and is actually from
The Sadness Book.

There are a couple more NY chapters left before lea is back home (I'm very excited)

and I'm going to try and update more b/c as of rn I've prewritten up to chapter 43 😭

until next time <3!