The Comeback

Chapter Thirteen

Renee

Cornwall is a place everyone should visit, there's something so serene and peaceful about the place. I could understand why Ray decided to retire here. This sanctuary he created looked something at the back of a postcard, it was just beautiful. The tree's that surrounded his secret cottage, made you feel like you were in a another country. It was isolated from the hustle and bustle of Essex. I would almost forget my troubles as I inhaled the sea salt air. 

I remember when I last visited this place, Roland took me through the thick forest and led me down a small country pathway. I remember wondering where we were going as he kept nudging into my side. I couldn't help but question whether he was taking me to some open field where he would have revealed he was a serial killer and I was one of his victims. Alas, it was untrue and the pathway led not to my imminent doom, but a small piece of heaven. 

The small and isolated beach, I could remember the gentle breeze that caressed my skin. The small breaths of the wind tickling my arms as I took in gentle waves, listening to them crash upon the white beach sand. Everything about it was natural, with not a single person in sight. The place was untouched from man. Before I could even ask Roman what this place was, he told me that it was his sanctuary, his escape. I couldn't help but wonder how he came across it or why he was sharing it with me, but all I could do was thank my lucky stars that he did. 

As soon as James and Jojo were running off, I made my quick escape, hoping for a moment of peace, a moment to mourn that my life was forever about to change. For years, it was me and Lewis against the world. I couldn't help but frown as I thought about everything I did to help him, everything I sacrificed to make sure our relation survived. He was my best friend, lover and husband in one. I couldn't help but wonder how things got to this point. Never in my life since meeting Lewis, would I believe that I would have to plan a future without him. 

My eyes welled with tears that I forced my lids to close. The only problem with that was I could feel the sob escape my lips as I remember the images of him with the tall leggy blonde who was the complete opposite of me. My heart ached as I wondered what was wrong with me? What did I do for him to turn to someone else? I shook my head as I looked up the pink sky in which the sun was finally beginning to set. My toes wiggled beneath me as I felt the small pieces of sand slip in between my toes. 

"Ree!" A familiar voice bellowed behind me. I didn't have the energy or the will power to turn towards him. I knew he would be next to me before I could take my breath. Even though he was retired, his stamina hadn't dipped and could still probably run and complete a marathon before I even moved my ass. With a thud and an arm that began to wrap around my shoulders, I let out the deep breath that was concealed within my chest. There was something incredibly comforting about Roman's embrace. It was familiar and warm, it felt like home.  

"Ree, you can't run off like that especially without telling anyone. We've spent the last few hours looking for you. Even the kids are worried." His voice was soft and like honey, I felt myself sink and relax into his arms as I placed my head on his shoulder. 

"Sorry Ro, just needed some time on my own." I guilty replied. I hated myself for worrying him and his family when all they did was offer me refuge from my troubles. I closed my eyes tighter as I felt his soft lips graze the top of my forehead. My heart was hammering in my chest, my heartbeat was becoming erratic. 

"It's okay babe. I understand better than anyone." He responded. I didn't know what to say because everything was true. No one could understand me better, when Roman found out the she-bitch cheated on him. He was heartbroken, but not just because she betrayed his trust but because she broke her family which included Jojo and James. 

"You know when Liza cheated on me, I thought it was the end of the world. I mean at that point we were having so many difficulties that I questioned whether I even loved her. However, I realised that my love for her was about her being the mother of my children. I was more worried about the boys than myself." Roman explained. I didn't have to look at him to know that he was watching the sun set. Although he wasn't a person who did not know how to express himself, he was very mindful of who he trusted with his feelings. 

"But I realised that it didn't matter, the pain of her betrayal was there regardless. I did everything I could to make that relationship work. I would sit there and question everything that transpired between us, wondering where I went wrong, what I could have done more to save our marriage." He paused and he took a deep inhale of breath. "Do you know what I realised?"

A part of me didn't want to respond but I didn't want to shut him down when he was sharing something so personal. Even though I had met Liza, she always tried insulting and belittling me that I didn't see what they were like when they were married. Roland was recently divorced when we first met and I only saw the repercussions of the divorce. Even though he was my best friend, I never wanted to overstep and question him about his relationship with the mother of his children. It was bad enough that the press constantly questioned him about it, that I never wanted to bring up uncomfortable questions. I only spoke about it when he needed someone to vent or some advice. This was the first time he was talking about Liza when he found out her betrayal. 

"What?" I whispered. My voice carrying through the sea-salt breeze. 

"That shit happens. Shit that we don't like. Shit that we don't want to know about. Shit that will only further the amount of shit we have to deal with." Roman said with reverence. I shake my head at his choice of words I can feel the bubble of laughter rise to my chest so I simply pierce my lips and wait for him to finish, knowing that I don't want to be insensitive to what he is saying. 

"At the end of the day, all I could do was ask myself was there something else I could have done to change things? I spent family days with the boys, but Liza never wanted to come, she preference going to lunch with her girlfriends. I tried to arrange date nights with Liza, but she preferred to go clubbing or come with me to a party where she would ignore me for the whole night. I gave her everything she ever asked of me, whether it was a dress or Jewellery. I never denied her. I treated her like a queen. I never once shied from my responsibilities and duties not only as a father but as a husband." 

He lets out a deep sigh. "But it wasn't enough. Nothing I did kept her happy and if there was something I could have done to make her happy she could have spoken to me. I didn't make the decision to step out of our marriage. That choice was hers and she made it. There was nothing I could do to stop her or change what had happened. It was during that revelation that I found some peace."

I thought about what Roman said as a kaleidoscope of memories raced through my mind. Memories that once upon a time only brought me happiness, were now causing me pain and heartache. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that Lewis had made his decision to cheat and there was nothing I could do to change that. I had done everything to support and help Lewis with his life and career, I gave him all the love I had in my heart and the more I remembered, the more Roman's words created a peace inside me. I realised that I had would have done anything to make him happy, even at the cost of my own happiness. 

As I looked at the sun setting above the bright blue sea I took a deep and let the reality of my future crash like the soft waves hitting the sea shore. I realised that nothing would change what happened in the past, that no matter how much Lewis reasons his choice for infidelity, he just did not deserve me.