SURVIVORS

Chapter 4

I watched everyone laughing without care one wouldn't even suspect we had a crisis but I was not fooled by their fake facade. Beyond their smiling faces were hidden fears, sadness, uncertainty, insecurity and some feelings I just couldn't quite explain. For instance I couldn't understand the feeling Naomi displayed. It looked as though she was truly happy; like someone contented with the situation we are in. It kind of confused me, why would she be happy when she should be scared or probably sad. I know she is not a threat but something just doesn't seem right about her.

I actually wish I can truly be as happy as she is, as carefree as she is and as contented and peaceful as she is.

"Hey what are you thinking about and why are you looking at Naomi as though you want to eat her" Tolu asked sitting beside me.

"Hey! Who said I want to eat her?" I scowled at Tolu who grinned in return

"Well your face said so not me"

"When did you suddenly turn to a face reader?" I frowned

"The moment my best friend started hiding things from me" Tolu snapped and I flinched

"I'm not hiding anything from you. What the fuck could I possibly hide from you?"

"I should be asking you that instead. I know you so well to know that you are going through a lot right now but covering it all up within you is not healthy. I know you so well to know your laughter is fake, I know you so well to know that when you are sad you tend to kill yourself slowly within. I'm your best friend and I'm always here for you no matter what so stop shutting me out else I will be forced to beat everything out of you" Tolu scowled at me and I sighed in defeat.

"I'm sorry if I shut you out I just don't want to stress you unnecessary; I shouldn't bother you with my problems when we have a lot on our table. I don't want what happened to my mother to happen to any one of you. I see you all as my responsibility now and I don't want to let my guard down and let my issues distract me from protecting you guys. I have to be strong and I have to keep you guys save no matter what" I said tearfully. I really hate feeling emotional but right now I just can't seem to control my emotions.

Tolu hugged me and I felt instant comfort in her arms "don't ever see yourself as a burden to me and stop trying to hold the tears let them flow it's okay to fell weak once in a while; we are all human and not robots. Free your heart from the pain you are causing yourself. I know you blame yourself for what happened to your mother but you are not at fault........"

"Don't say that; we both know I'm at fault I wasn't there for her when she needed me most, I couldn't stop those monsters from hurting her, I couldn't keep her safe, we both know that it's my entire fault that is lying six feet underground right now. I'm a disappointment........" Tolu suddenly slapped me and I opened my eyes wide in shock. This is the first time Tolu would ever hit me.

"Tolu you hit me" I asked shocked

"Yes, and I will do it again if you fucking call yourself a disappointment. Nothing that happened to your mother is your fault, you are not superwoman neither are you a seer. How could you obviously know that all these were going to happen? What has happened has happened is it's time you stop blaming yourself. Do you think your mum would happy seeing you this way? For crying out loud none of these is your fault. I'm also in pain knowing that Hamza is also obviously dead or maybe in danger" Tolu yelled at me crying profusely and something broke within me. She was right none of these is my fault I'm just being pathetic right now and my mum would actually not be happy seeing me this miserable, dad would obviously yell, scowl and beat the fact that I'm not at fault into me and I've also being selfish, I wallowed in my pain alone and neglected my best friend who is also in pain. I ought to be there for her but instead I'm stupidly shutting her out.