fair warning that the first half of this chapter is basically just aspen talking to herself, so it might be a bit confusing but hopefully it's understandable lol
029. MAYBE WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT, YOU AND I...
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🎶 can you feel my heart — bring me the horizon
•
ASPEN FELT OFFICIALLY ALONE. Up until this night, she still had Stiles to turn to, she still found comfort in the fact that he'd never turn away from her, that he'd always be there to catch her in her darkest moments. And Scott— he may have been worried about her when he found out about the pills, but he still cared, he still loved her like the sister he never had.
But tonight, they'd both turned their backs on her, and she knew she deserved it— so she hardly even wallowed in self pity about the whole thing.
Lydia wouldn't pick up the phone— she had no idea why, she'd tried calling nearly a hundred times. Kira left town, and Malia was basically M.I.A from everyone, hunting down her own personal issues.
After Stiles had driven away from her, and Scott had walked away—Aspen had been left stood alone, outside the animal clinic, frozen still in the pouring rain. For a little while—she remained that way—silent, frozen—she was like a shell of a former person.
She'd managed to overhear bits and pieces of the conversation going on inside, something about how Hayden was dying and Scott refused to give her the bite.
But once she'd snapped out of her lonesome trance, she had no idea what to do. Where to go, what to say, how to stop whatever was going to happen tonight from happening. It was the supermoon, she knew Theo wouldn't pass up on an opportunity like this— a night of that much heightened power.
Aspen found herself in the Beacon Hills Cemetery later that night. It wasn't some slow hopeless stroll to the grave she liked to talk to, it was a hurried run of urgency. With no one else to turn to—Aspen found herself knelt down at Allison's grave in desperation, for answers—for someone to listen to her.
It didn't look the same as the last time she was here. The sight of it now made her stomach churn—the dug up soil that surrounded the headstone.
Tears streamed down Aspen's cheeks as she sobbed. She sobbed, she sobbed until it hurt to breathe, she sobbed until her chest physically ached.
"I know I deserve it," Aspen said hopelessly through her streaming tears, "I know I have no one to blame but myself—but God, it still hurts!"
She liked to pretend that Allison was right next to her, hugging her tight, telling her everything was going to be okay. Because despite that being the biggest lie on the face of the earth right now—she'd believe it if Allison was the one saying it.
