Fifty shade of Them

decisions

Sabeel is my maiden name. Aliya and Ali's daughter. It pains me to admit this, but I could never have imagined myself in this predicament. This anguish, hopelessness, and exploitation. I'm trying on wedding gowns chosen by my mother and mother-in-law, but of course, my mother-in-law isn't interested. Asma is present. After all, she's the one who's paying for the gown. To say the least, I despise my mother-in-law. I wish I had the courage to hit her and urge her to leave, along with her irresponsible brat kid and her money. I know it's common to despise one's mother-in-law, but this woman is the worst. "This dress would look perfect if someone thinner wore it." My mother-in-law, Asma, was harsh. My mother-in-law Asma made the snide remark. It was impossible for me to believe. "There are only fifteen days until the wedding." Who can lose weight in such a short period of time?" I wanted to finish expressing my thoughts, but my mother cut me off mid-sentence. "Sabeel, be careful with your words," my mother said. "She's been this way since she Was a little kid. After all, she isn't even that overweight; she just has an hourglass form." My mother tried to defend me, which I appreciated, but I wish she hadn't. Asma deserved none of my mother's justifications. 

In the midst of trying on the dress, I received a text from Ahmed.

"Sabeel, I can't handle it any longer. We must communicate. Please text me as soon as you are able so that we may meet."- Ahmed

 It completely changed my mood, as I was more focused on getting away from Asma for a moment. I agreed to meet up with Ahmed later, and I decided to sneak out. "Where are you going?" My father suddenly asked as I was about to leave. I quickly came up with an excuse, hoping he would buy it. "I'm meeting Haroon," I said, hoping Noor would understand what I really meant. Thankfully, she caught onto my lie and agreed to go with me. My father wished us well and watched as we left. "Can you tell me where we're going?" Noor asked as she drove the car. I explained that I was meeting up with Ahmed to give him a final answer. Noor kept silent, but she eventually nodded. 

Ahmed and I continued our conversation in the café, with Noor waiting patiently in the car. He stood up when I arrived and gave me a tight hug. It was a bittersweet moment, as we both knew it might be the last time we would ever be that close again. Our lives had taken us on different paths, and I was on the brink of starting a new chapter as someone's wife. "Sabeel," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He seemed to have something on his mind, but he was struggling to find the words. I waited patiently, not wanting to interrupt him. Finally, after a few minutes of silence, he spoke up. "I'm tired," he began. "I'm tired of feeling like this." I knew what he meant. Our love had been a rollercoaster, filled with ups and downs, hope and despair, joy and pain. It was a rollercoaster that seemed to have no end. I fought back tears as I replied, "Do you think this is easy for me? I'm literally dying each day." "Then we need to do something," he said, his voice now raised. "This is no game to play with a child. There are other people's lives involved in this. What's your plan?" I was caught off guard by his sudden change in tone. "What do you want?" I asked him. "You want out now?"

He took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. It seemed like he was trying to gather his thoughts and collect himself. Our hearts were heavy with the weight of everything that had brought us to this moment.

"Sabeel, I love you, don't you see?" Ahmed was clearly emotional and seemed unsure about what to say next. "You're the love of my life. I can't leave you," he said, his voice cracking, "but you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want." His words hit me hard, making me realize how much pain I'd caused him. Tears filled my eyes as Ahmed continued, "Not everyone, not your friends. But you leave me. So I'm asking you, if you don't see your future with us, if you're not in this, if you can't tell your family and end all this, please. Please just end it because I can't. I'm in it. Pull me out of my misery." My heart ached for him as he spoke so truthfully. I could see the hurt in his eyes, and it made me feel even more guilty. "I really should go," I said, but Ahmed followed me as I got up to leave.