Quest and Tillie

Chapter 5: Today's The Day

For the last week, I'd laid low, going into work only because I had to, when what I really wanted was to just crawl into my bed and sleep forever. Ironically, I couldn't sleep without Tillie.

The guys at the shop saw my face and had already heard the gossip, so they didn't say anything about my battered face. They just averted their eyes and kept about as quiet as I did, which is to say, speaking only when it was an absolute necessity. My receptionist at the shop, an older woman named Nancy who had been with my Dad's shop and moved to mine when I opened it, said nothing either. She only pressed her hand on mine and went about her day.

Mary-Lou Dawn had wasted no time spreading her maliciousness. She'd actually had the balls to come back to the shop and ask for her estimate.

"Tell her to get the fuck out," I told Nancy without looking at Mary-Lou. "Tell her if she ever comes back onto this property, I'll call the police and have her arrested for stalking and trespassing."

Then I'd walked into the shop, away from the biggest mistake and the deepest regret of my life. 

I'd heard Nancy say, "You heard him. I just need to dial a one and they'll be dispatching an officer here to pick up a trespasser. Get out and don't ever come back here."

I'd ordered a new desk, and I was going to put it in the reception area by Nancy's. I'd never go into my office again. If I needed something from there, I sent Nancy for it. So far, I'd sent her in for my three pictures of Tillie and some papers. Most of the time, I stayed in the shop and worked and worked. When the last guy was leaving for the day, I'd walk out with him.

What have I done?

That question hammered at me all the time. The simple answer was, I'd ruined my life. I'd ruined Tillie's life, and this hurt the most. I literally felt like I had a hand inside my chest squeezing my heart until it was ready to explode when I thought of the hurt I'd inflicted on Tillie. But even though that was the greatest hurt, that one that mattered the most, the hurt didn't stop there.

I'd hurt both of our families. I'd destroyed my friendship with Ben. I'd disappointed my in-laws and my parents. I'd let down everyone I loved, Tillie most of all. I couldn't escape the look on her face when I turned my head after the cup hit me in the face.

The anguish, the horror, the disbelief, the sheer pain...all of those I was responsible for. I couldn't get away from my pain, but I accepted it. It was Tillie's pain I was worried about that kept me awake except for two or three hours a night. I'd park down the road from her parents' house late every night and wait for the last light to go off before laying down on the seat of my truck and thinking about how life can change completely because of one horrible decision, choice...whatever you want to call it. Just a few minutes and life as you know it is over. Before the sun came up, I'd drive away so she wouldn't know I was keeping vigil over her the only way I knew how.

I couldn't sleep at the home we'd shared. I'd gone back over there the day she'd cleared everything out and walked from room to room. Nothing had changed. Everything was there, down to the throw her grandmother had made for us. It was still spread over the back of the couch. The gifts I'd bought her over the years, the jewelry I'd given her, the pictures of us, the art and decorations we'd acquired as a couple...all of it remained in the house.

I'd called my mom. "All she took was her clothes. Is she coming back later for the rest of it?"

Mom's voice hitched the first time she tried to answer, so I gave her a minute. "She...she didn't want anything, Quest. Just her clothes. After we got her clothes packed up, I asked her what else she wanted. She said nothing. She didn't want anything. Not one thing."