Quest and Tillie

Chapter 9: Whose Opinion Matters?

Before I could answer Quest about why I hadn't filed for divorce, he went on, his eyes on mine. "I've been living in fear of the day I get those papers, Tillie. And I know I deserve that pain. But every single day for the last six months, I've been wondering if someone's going to walk through the door with divorce papers. And every night I think, OK, I didn't get them today, but she might send them tomorrow. Every day I don't get them, I wonder why you didn't send them to me."

He swallowed, then said, "And, just so you know, Tillie, I'd pay all the legal fees if you do want a divorce. You won't have to pay a penny to divorce me since the reason we'd be getting divorced is all on me."

"You want me to divorce you, Quest? Is that what you're saying? Because that's what it sounds like."

"Oh, fuck no, Tillie. That's the very last thing in the world I want. The very last thing. What I want is to work on repairing what I broke, continue my counseling for me, go to marriage counseling for us if you're willing, but I just don't know what you want and it's been driving me crazy: why haven't you filed yet if you're done with us?"

 "I don't know why," I said, lying to him. "I just haven't."

"I get that." Quest looked down at the ground for a long time, then back at me. "I know my shop's lawyer required a big retainer, so if...if it's the money, Til, and if that's what's holding you back, I'll give you all the money you need."

I looked at him in disbelief. "You say you don't want a divorce, Quest, but you're sure pushing hard for one."

He shook his head at me, taking a step toward me, his eyes drilling into mine. "Let me be really clear about this. I'm not pushing for a divorce, at all. Not at all. I sure as fuck don't want one. I just...Tillie I'm lost here, completely lost without you, and I'm just trying to figure out what you want and give you whatever that is. If it's a divorce you want but maybe the money is stopping you, I'd give you whatever you need to get whatever you want, even if what you want is a divorce. I don't have a say in this. It's your decision."

"Did you know I'm entitled to half your business if we get divorced?" I poked at him, knowing how much he loved his shop, knowing how much it meant to him, thinking this might push him from calm to anger. I wanted him angry, yelling, out of control because a person acting like that is easier to be mad at than someone obviously drowning in regret and sorrow and despair.

"You can have it," he said immediately. "You can have it all, anything you want, Tillie. Just...maybe give it some time, maybe three or four months at least, because I'm selling the old building in six weeks and closing on the new one later the same day."

That about dropped my jaw. His business was in a prime location in town, and one everyone knew. Sullivan Autobody was the only game in town and the best shop around for hundreds of miles if your car had been in an accident or was damaged in any way. "Why on earth --?"

"You know why, Til," he said softly, looking miserable. "I feel sick every time I walk through the door to the shop. I never went into my office after that day. Had a new desk, chair, computer and phone delivered and put all that by Nancy's desk. If I needed something out of my old office, she went in and got it, and then she just cleared everything out of it once the new file cabinets arrived. But even that isn't enough, and I just wanted to get away from that building, so I bought the old oil change place next to Dad's shop, the one that's been empty for years. I'll be right by him instead of being on the other side of town."

"That's going to be an expensive change."

"Paying cash for the new building. The location's not as good and the new building's a bit smaller square footage-wise, so I'm making a good profit on the old building that I can use to help renovate the new place so it works better for autobody repair. All I need is a loan for seventy-five thousand to cover what the proceeds from the old building don't cover. The loan's just about approved and should be coming through any day now. That loan amount I can handle, no problem. Then I'll use some of that cash outlay to move the equipment and tools from the old place, install some new signage and it's done. Once that's all finished, I'll sign the business over to you, whatever you want."