the only time i feel i might get better (is when we are together) - ziam

Thirteen ･ﾟ✧

"It's where I fall into the headspace of a child, a toddler... It differs depending on how I am feeling. For example, the other day I accidentally regressed into a headspace extremely little - smaller than ever before because of you. You didn't know, at all and I quite enjoyed it but it felt stressful as you didn't know, and I didn't want you to find out.. But I guess, here you are... finding out. And I'm terrified. Terrified that you'll tell people, terrified that you'll make fun of me..."

Liam listened, mentally taking down notes to try and understand what Zayn was discussing. It felt like almost as if he knew what Zayn was on about, as if just by looking at the boy, you could see just how pure and soft he really was deep inside. Though, it still sounded confusing and he needed Zayn to explain further, "I promise that I won't share, I don't understand fully but what I do understand is that this is something that is incredibly personal to you... And because of me? I don't get it."

"Yes. I'll explain further, so right now.. Oh God, when you walked In? I maybe felt around the mental age of a three year old and because I panicked, I went non verbal meaning that I couldn't talk. Over time, if you ever witness it again... You'll understand more, but explaining it on it's own is tricky." Zayn held his teddy closer, "When it happens, I feel warm and floaty inside.. Safe and calm. I really, really love the feeling and I don't get to feel it often... Especially since moving here. I can't regress in front of others, or at least that's what I thought before I met you."

"So it's a good feeling? Well, I'm glad I got to help you feel like that. I s'pose if I can ever do that again to help you, just let me know or even suggest ideas on how you would like me to try help you. I won't make you feel panicked like before this time, just give me a pre warning if you are feeling... like that. Is there a reason why you like to feel like that?"

"It's good, most of the time. Unless it's impure regression but that's a lot to get into right now - maybe another time? And there is a reason, well, it's stress relieving and sometimes you just need that reassurance and that time to let it all out. I bet it's similar to you playing footy, when you're out on the field and kicking the ball - it feels like just you, you're free and you feel like after so long, you can just breathe? That's what regressing is like for me. I hope that helps you to understand."

Liam smiled, "That's so sweet. Really... It feels like things are starting to make sense, why you have a teddy and love Disney so much. Do you have, um, like anything else?"

Zayn shook his head, "No... Was thinking about it earlier. Just got me and my teddy, he hasn't got a name by the way. I should name him, it's been so long."

"Oh. You should name them, that's right, and I'll help you." Liam chuckled. "So do you want my dinner, sorry? It's going to be a stir fry, nice and simple."

"I'll give it a try," Zayn said softly and chewed on the teddy's ear. Liam watched and a faint tint of read took over Zayn's cheeks, Liam raised an eyebrow and hesitantly removed the teddy from the boy's lips as though it was an instinct to do so, "I don't think sucking on your teddy like that is quite hygienic."

"Yeah..."

"Right," Liam got up, gently tapping his own hands against his thighs, and made his way over to the kitchen, preparing the ingredients and getting some pots out. "So what do you like to do when you're regressed?"

"Draw or watch TV, I can't do much because I don't have much... Sometimes I create like mini activities for myself, that probably sounds rather silly."

"It doesn't sound silly, it sounds sweet. Maybe we will have to get you something?"

Zayn blushed, "Oh no. It's okay, thank you."

Liam shrugged, "If you want, we can... Or if you want to keep this regression thing just for you, I won't involve myself into it. Whatever you think is best. You put a lot in me to tell me something special like this, and I want to respect it like I mentioned before."

"I'll think about it." he said quietly and lay on his back, looking at the TV. Cinderella had now ended and the TV was on the Disney+ Home Screen, waiting for Zayn to decide what to put on next. He was highly considering watching Snow White but he also really liked the idea of watching Aladdin... It was a tricky decision.

Liam took a look at him, "If you want to regress again or something while I make this, you can... I won't look or anything."

Zayn covered his face, shy. He nodded and Liam laughed softly, "I'm also going to do a bit of my own research on this, if that's okay?"

The boy moved his hands and looked at Liam, nodding, "'s okay.. But be careful cause sometimes people like to make this a whole big sexual thing but it's not... It's not for me anyway. It's my safe place."

"Oh?" Liam raised an eyebrow but nodded anyway, "I'll keep that in mind." He replied and started to get the meal ready properly, mixing things within a pan together and stirring it around. He put it onto the stove top and added some heat, keeping an eye on it.

Zayn had ended up putting Snow White on and was sat on his bed watching it with his teddy in his arms. He wasn't regressed and didn't feel like he'd be able to regress due to feeling overwhelmed but the movie was incredibly calming for him and he was enjoying watching it, he always hated the 'baddies' in movies and Snow White seemed to have quite a fair bit of villain characters which made him slightly unsettled but nether-less, he was engrossed within it. He was sure that if he was in a movie, he'd be a 'goodie' because bad people are mean and ruin everything for everyone, similar to how Liam was when the two first met. It was kind of amusing to think about.