Secrets Kept (Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 6

A/N:  Since I've been so terrible with updates lately (A LOT of personal things going on), I am posting this chapter two days early.  Secrets Kept will have updates on Wednesdays.  Hopefully things will go smooth from here on out and thank you all so much for all the kind messages and for staying with me.  I'M BAAAACK!!

Y/N POV:

"When I get back home, get out of this place, I don't ever want to see you again." As soon as the words left my lips and I saw the look of absolute hurt on Namjoon's face, I wanted to yank them back, apologize to him and beg him to forgive me. Unfortunately the last bit of pride I was clinging to refused to allow me, refused to let me show any kind of sympathy to the man who had hurt me so badly, the man who had owned my heart and destroyed it in a single moment.

"Please Y/N. You don't mean that. Please... please tell me you don't mean that." The words falling from Namjoon's lips held a hint of desperation to them, one that made my heart flutter in a way that only he had ever been able to do, one that showed I still loved him after all these years, regardless of how much I had tried to convince myself otherwise.

Namjoon tried to reach for me and I took a step back, unwilling to let myself get close enough to him to let him break my heart again. Eric spent the last ten years putting it back together and there was no chance I was going to let Namjoon destroy it again, let Namjoon in and hurt me again. "I just... I just can't do this again. I can't..." My voice trailed off and the words came out much sadder than I had intended them to, so filled with grief that I was surprised it wasn't reaching up from the depths of my stomach, wrapping itself around my throat and choking the life from me.

Although I could see Namjoon wanted to protest, he merely stepped back and nodded his head and I knew he was going to leave me be. "Y/N? I... I really am sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I lied, sorry about Ashley, sorry about hiding things from you." Namjoon ducked his head down and I could see the tears on his cheeks, ones I wanted to ignore. "I'm..." His words trailed off and before he could speak again, I heard movement from behind us, quiet sounds that let me know the others were waking up. It filled me with a sense of relief and when Jungkook arrived at my side, a sleepy smile on his handsome face, I couldn't help but smile at the man who had been helping me along through this crazy trip.

While Hoseok and Yoongi packed up the campsite in quick movements that had my head spinning from the magic of it all, I thought back on my conversation with Namjoon, wondering if I had done the right thing by cutting him from my life. Part of me wondered if I was being too sensitive, too emotional about the whole situation. Was it really as serious as I had made it out to be or was it not that big of a deal?

Every time I tried to push the thoughts aside, I couldn't help but think of that teenage girl who stood at Namjoon's door, begging for an explanation and seeing only a face of anger and a closed door. Namjoon had been my best friend, the closest person in my life and the feelings of betrayal were ones that I just couldn't let go of, no matter how much the logical side of my brain was telling me too.

"Y/N?" I turned at the sound of my name to see Jin standing there with a worried look on his face. "Are you all right?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

Jin studied my face for a moment and I could see he didn't believe me. "Are you sure? You were just kind of standing there, staring off into space."

"I'm sure. I was just thinking." From the look on his face, I could see Jin didn't believe me, but from the sigh that escaped him, I could see he wasn't going to push the issue either.

"Okay. Well... we're ready to go if you are." I looked over to see the guys standing there, watching me, and I quickly realized that I really had been standing there, staring off into space.