You're the best for me

Do I deserve to be happy?

[Vegas' POV]

Rays of sunshine falls on his cheeks and all I can do is to stare and admire the beauty in front of me. I had waken up quite a while ago and realised my hand became numb due to Pete's head on it all night long, yet I made no effort to take it back though. I keep on looking at him for a long time. I still can't believe he is real and is lying beside me, in my own arms, willingly.

I brush some strands of Pete's hair a bit from his face to get a better view and he flinches at the sunshine and my touch. I realise my sweet movie will end soon so I pretend to be asleep. Hah, very typical of you Vegas.

After a while I feel Pete wake up, stretching himself carefully not to make me wake up. After a long time which I take it as him staring at my face, I feel a soft touch on my cheeks. He keeps on brushing his fingertips on my cheeks until his soft lips press a kiss on it.

"If you're going to kiss me, do it on my lips", I decide I can't pretend to be asleep anymore. The tingling sensation on my hands is making me uncomfortable. Since he woke up let me now spare my hands. I use my free hand to grab his face close to mine.

"When did you wake up", Pete questions, visibly flushed by my sudden words and the proximity of our faces. They are just inches apart. My lips are waiting to be kissed by his soft lips again. How heavenly!

"Long ago, and I had my sweet time staring at your face before you did to me.", I reply with a smirk.

Teasing Pete is my favourite thing. He gets embarrassed so much when I randomly flirt with him. His ears and nosetip gets red, cheeks flush deep shade of red and the way he averts his gaze his just so cute that I can't resist creating it everytime I have the chance.

"You're so cute", I nuzzle my nose against his and let out a content laughter.

"Stop teasing me", he glares at me and moves himself from my face. I take this opportunity to get my numb hand out and use it to hold his hands, intertwining our fingers. We stare at each other with deep meaning in our eyes which is better left unsaid. Sometimes silence speaks more than words. We smile at each other, a genuine smile.

In a sudden moment I feel like everything is surreal. I am feeling happy which is ominous. Everytime I feel happy, something happens. My smile drops on my face, making way for an unreasonable expression which confuses Pete.

" What happened?" , Pete asks in concern.

"Nothing", I can't let my anxieties ruin this moment.

"Vegas, tell me what happened.", Pete insists.

"I don't know. I just feel like this happiness, it's not for me. Everytime I feel happy, something happens, someone suffers. I was happy with my mom, she was not happy so she left me. My nanny also left me because she could not take it. The last time when I was happy with you, you were suffering. I make everyone around me miserable and they leave me in the end.", I let out my thoughts in a shaky voice.

I can never talk to anyone about matters like this which show my weakness but with Pete my mouth talks itself as if it got a will of its own. I let my thoughts flow because I know Pete is the last person who will judge me for that. He has seen me like this before and he knows the deep hole in my heart which he once tried to fill up. I used to put a layer of mask to hide it but that was all some quicksand. It looks filled from the outside but once you step onto it, it takes you to the deep and devours your whole existence. With the arrival of Pete, the hole started being shallow as he put sands on it daily. When he left midway, another such hole was made. The previous one was love, and this one was guilt. When he returned he started to fill it again. So my anxious mind reminds me not to be so happy, just the moderate amount is allowed. This moment is not moderate, it's a moment of bliss for me which is dangerous.