⚠️TW: Mentions of SH!⚠️
Your Pov
Everything was shit. You were overwhelmed with school and your manager was always yelling at you and shaming you for slacking off when in reality you were doing all the work and your coworkers were the ones slacking off all the time. On top of everything that was stressing you out, you were grieving. Your best friend Aliya had passed away the past weekend and you weren't taking it well. You two had been through everything together, the highs and lows of both of your lives you guys had each other to rely on if you needed anything. This loss was inevitable for you since you had just talked to her the Friday before. You had no clue how to deal with everything right now, your mom was checking on you constantly because she knows how bad your depression can get but you didn't want to be bothered.
Your Girlfriends Pov
She didn't have the glow in her eyes she usually does, she wasn't talking much about her day like she usually would. I had been asking her constantly if there was anything she wanted to talk about and telling her if anything's wrong she could talk to me but nothing. I was getting really worried this was so unlike her, I wanted to know what was going on or what had been on her mind these past few days. I was headed off to my office and I said once again like I had been, "baby, please call me if you need anything I don't like seeing you like this". It was so awful to see the person you love the most in so much pain. My drive to work all I was thinking about was her, hoping she'd call me. I get to the office and check my phone. nothing. nothing at all. I really just wanted to see my babygirl happy again.
Your Pov
I had nodded at what my girlfriend said but I didn't care. I felt numb. Nothing mattered anymore. I got up and went into our shared bathroom. I hadn't done it since I was 18, I've been clean for 5 years but nothing was helping, I wanted to feel something. Everything I had built up over the last 5 years as alternate coping mechanisms had gone down the drain. I searched for a unused blade after 3 minutes I found one. My thoughts were racing, I felt as if I didn't do something now I was going to explode. With no hesitation I took the blade to my arm and watched the crimson red drip, it hurt like hell but it felt so damn good. I cleaned myself up and went to go lay down, I felt a little relief but not too much. I had been holding everything in for these past few days, I had such the urge and just dump everything I needed to get off my chest but I couldn't. I didn't wanna be a burden to her. I knew she'd get off in a about an hour so I just went back to sleep.
Your Girlfriends Pov
I couldn't think straight when working. I kept thinking about her, I really needed to go home and make sure she was alright. Luckily I was my own boss, I told my secretary that I'd be leaving early because there was an emergency I needed to take care of. The drive home I got our favorite Starbucks drinks praying that'll cheer her up a little bit. I pull up in our driveway I see no lights on, no sign she's even gotten out of bed at all. I walked up the stairs to finding her sleeping however I seen something on her arm, something no one would ever want to see on their girlfriend. She had relapsed. When we first met she told me about a few of her struggles one of them being self-harm it. She had been doing so well using the other coping mechanisms her therapist gave her.
Your Pov
I was sound asleep but I felt a person's presence near me. It was my girlfriend. My sleeve had rose up while I was sleeping I pulled it down quickly hoping she hadn't realized that I relapsed. I really didn't feel like explaining anything right now, I was too tired. "hi baby, you alright?" my girlfriend asked I didn't respond until a minute later I felt so exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. "I wanna go back to sleep" I said in a very raspy tone "ok, that's fine I understand. I'll be downstairs if you need me at all". She left the room allowing me to be alone with my thoughts. The overthinking was really taking a toll on everything. I hated it so much.
Your Girlfriends Pov
I was downstairs sitting on the couch when I heard my girlfriend come down the stairs and get a glass of water. I felt like I should ask her why she relapsed before it got worse. I called her over to come sit with me so I could at least make her feel comfortable but she only sat down, she didn't seem as if she wanted to cuddle right now. "baby I want to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me".
Your Pov
"baby I want to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me". My heart sank into my stomach. I thought she didn't see them. I wasn't ready to be honest. I didn't want to be honest. "I need to know, d-did you relapse?" she said with teary eyes, I didn't know that it was going to affect her mostly because she wasn't the one grieving I didn't care right now. I stared into space not wanting to answer the question, I was already feeling vulnerable the entire day and right now was not the time to admit it. "can you please answer me?" "why do you need to know, it's not your body." "sweetie, I just want to make sure you're okay" "well I'm fine just leave me alone" I say in an irritable tone.
Your Girlfriends Pov
"well I'm fine just leave me alone" she said in an irritable tone. It was like she had put up this wall that couldn't be broken down. I understand that she didn't want to open up right now but I didn't want anything to get worse. I didn't want to lose her. "princess please confide in me, you don't have to tell me everything I just don't want to lose you".
Your Pov
"princess please confide in me, you don't have to tell me everything I just don't want to lose you." That sentence fucking broke me. When she'd call me princess it made me feel so safe in her embrace. So with that being said I burst into tears right there in her arms while she whispered sweet little things into my ear "it's okay babygirl, I've got you. Let it all out sweetheart". I was fighting with myself knowing I didn't want to say anything at all but I knew I needed to come clean.
Your Girlfriends Pov
That sentence broke her, I know she feels an attachment towards "princess". I knew it made her safe. She broke down right in my arms and I comforted her in the best way that I could whispering sweet nothings in her reminding her everything was okay. I gave her a while to settle down before I could ask her anything.
Your Pov
I had been crying for about 25 mins, it felt good to get everything I was holding in for the past few days out. I debated If I should tell her that I relapsed it was long thought but I decided to tell her. "Are you ready to talk sweetheart?" no. but I needed to. I sniffled before answering "y-yeah I guess so." I took a deep breath before dumping everything I needed to say "Um I'm not sure how to start but I can say that I-I-I did relapse." I said before breaking down again but gathering myself. "It's just work and school have been stressing me out so goddamn much it's fucking me over, and with Aliya's passing oh my god it feels like my life is ending. I just talked to her Friday and that phone call that I got from my mom Tuesday morning shattered me. The coping mechanisms weren't working I couldn't deal anymore. "I want you to know I'm completely here for you any time you need I can't imagine what it's like, we can get you some help if you'd like" "eventually but not right now." "is there anything you need right now?" "just hold me."
Your Girlfriends Pov
"just hold me" I'm glad that she opened up to me, I wanted to be able to help her in any way possible but for now if she wasn't ready to get help right now that was okay, I know she'd be ready soon. I was grateful to be able to be by her side at this time because I wouldn't want her to suffer like this alone, I was all for taking care of her as long as she needed.
A/N
Sorry this a bit of a sad one, It's an idea I've had for a while now
I hope you guys enjoyed reading this:)
