Miss you even when I'm with you

6

When Geonhak entered the dorm, everybody was still in the living-room, discussing tensely. They stopped as soon as they noticed him, thinking he was his brother — as always. Youngjo opened his mouth to talk but Geonhak's eyes were fixed on another boy and he called anxiously, "Hwanwoong-ah..."

Hwanwoong was staring, too, his eyebrows slightly frowned. It was as though he could feel the switch, as though he could see beyond the twins' identical features. He could glimpse at Geonhak behind Leedo.

"Leave him alone," Seoho hissed from the kitchen. He was still holding Dongju protectively. The youngest member had been crying; his eyes were red and puffy. 

"It's okay, hyung," Hwanwoong whispered. "I want to talk to him." He walked towards his room and Geonhak followed, barely giving a look to the rest of the team.

Hwanwoong silently sat on what Geonhak assumed was his bed. The taller boy took a seat right next to him, yet leaving some distance between them. The last thing he wanted to do was scaring him off.

"So?" Hwanwoong finally said dryly, waiting for Geonhak to speak. His usually joyful, enthusiastic eyes were blank, as though he was not expecting anything anymore from the other man.

Geonhak sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said. I shouldn't have been like that to you and the other members. Especially to you." Hwanwoong looked away, fixing some random object on his desk. He looked determined not to speak. "I'm a terrible person. And you've been really patient with me. I can never be grateful enough for you. For having you in my life."

Hwanwoong slightly rolled his eyes. "I mean it," Geonhak protested softly, trying to calm down his friend's irritation. "You're the person I least want to hurt."

"Me?" Hwanwoong finally whispered in disbelief. "Come on, we barely talk."

"Hwanwoong-ah," he continued weakly. "I care so much about you." Hwanwoong's eyes were now set on his, refusing to escape. Geonhak gave him a crooked smile. "You're so important."

"Why the duplicity, then?" the dancer retorted painfully. "I feel like... one day, I'm the person you love the most in this world — aside Dongju-yah — and the next I don't even exist anymore."

Geonhak slowly reached out for Hwanwoong's hand. The boy did not budge and let the contact happen. His hands were cold. Geonhak squeezed his fingers gently inside his palm.

"It all makes sense. I promise." Hwanwoong nodded faintly and looked down for one second. It was enough for Geonhak to make a swift move and come closer to him. Their heads were millimeters away from one another, and the tallest boy bent slightly. Hwanwoong took this opportunity to wrap his free arm around his shoulders and go in for a hug.

They remained motionless for a second, and Geonhak murmured, "If only I could tell you everything that I feel. If only I could tell you the truth."

Their embrace was somehow spoilt by the creaking of a door and an outraged hiss. "Kim Leedo, now it's just too much. What are you doing?"

The boys parted and watched as an angry Seoho was striding towards them. He gave a violent push to Geonhak, who sprawled on the bed. "Do you have any idea how much Dongju's suffering because of your bullshit?"

A few rapid steps led the other members into the bedroom. Dongju gasped as he saw Hwanwoong's hand in his boyfriend's and his eyes began to water with tears on the spot. Youngjo's loud sigh filled up the room and Geonhak thought quickly that using Leedo's body to get Hwanwoong back was perhaps not that good an idea after all.

"You don't even look sorry," Seoho spat.

"Look," Geonhak muttered, jerking back up, "what is happening here is not what you think. I would never — ever — let Dongju get hurt. I'm just — It's between Hwanwoong-ah and me, okay? This had nothing to do with any of you."

The slap came so fast Geonhak never saw Seoho's hand rise. "How dare you disregard Dongju's feelings like this? Does he not count for you?"

But Keonhee had already reacted and was standing between them two, trying to get Seoho to take a step back. "Hyung, stop," he ordered Seoho calmly.

"Don't tell me what to do. Don't you defend that piece of shit."

"Hyung!" Dongju cried behind them.

Keonhee ignored them all and turned darkly towards Geonhak. "This needs to stop. You've gone too far. Both of you. Call him. Call him now or I will."

Geonhak's lips trembled, and he tried to shake his head in denial. Although he knew Keonhee was right. Although the line had been crossed and nothing but the truth could save him, could save Hwanwoong.

"Call who?" Seoho shouted in exasperation.

"Leedo," Geonhak whispered shamefully, now crying. "The real Leedo."