Unity

Wish you were here

The drive to the church had been solemn, the car filled with unspoken heartbreak. I hadn't stopped crying since I'd walked out of the apartment, my eyes landing onto Axels coffin in the back of a hearse. The argument between Ace and I had instantly disappeared once my eyes met the dark mahogany wood with Axels cut thrown over the top of it. At the bottom of his coffin, on display to everyone was a circled wreath with black and white flowers. It made up the clubs logo, spare a few orange ones that had created the flames behind skeletons that wore black crowns. It was actually quite beautiful and I knew Axel would've loved it.

On each side of the coffin were different coloured letterings, the one on the left in navy blue flowers for his name and on the left were bright red ones that read the word 'brother'. I knew that it wasn't just for me, he was a brother to everyone in the club. They were a family. We'd been escorted to the church by club members on their bikes, the loud roars of Harley's filling up the streets of California. There were so many of them that I'd lost count, however I recognised a few faces. Tony, my dads cousin, had been one of them and he'd brought both Kurt and Jackson with him.

Tahlia, her mom and even her little sister Rylee had sat in the car with me as it followed the hearse and sea of motorbikes. No one spoke and I was grateful, not sure I'd be able to summon a word through my sons that were only just beginning to die down. Tahlia had wrapped her arm around my shoulders, comforting me through my pain silently. It was a gentle reminder that she was still here for me, that my best friend was going to be by my side today.

I'd tried not to think about the argument between Ace and I that had happened back at the apartment because I promised myself today was about Axel, that it was his day to get the final goodbye he so rightfully deserves. Yet I couldn't help but look for Ace each time a bike had wizzed by and I never saw him, not until we'd arrived at the church. We'd driven down a gravel road, lines of headstones on each side of it.

Right now Ace was carrying my brothers coffin alongside Tony, John, Gunner, Diesel and Cain. I was following closely behind with Tahlias hand in mine, eyes set on the coffin. I hadn't wanted a funeral inside and I was glad I had picked an outside one because there was no way everyone would've fit inside. They were carrying him to the spot I'd picked in the graveyard, a spot I could find with my eyes closed. Axel was going to be buried right next to mom and dad, where he belonged.

I'd let Ace pick the songs that were going to be played, not knowing the right ones that would do Axel justice. Music began to fill the speakers that had been scattered around the burial site, the sound of the guitar stilling me mid walk. The same guitar that had been played at my dads funeral. Tahlia glanced at me worriedly, clearly confused why I'd stopped and squeezed my hand encouragingly. I took in a deep breath, battling against the hard lump that was lodged in the back of my throat.

So, so you think you can tell,
Heaven from Hell?
Blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field,
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

I walked slowly, focusing on the song and all of the emotions building inside of me at the sound of Pink Floyd. Wish you were here, a song that spoke all of my words for me. Every year, on the anniversary of my parents death Axel would blast this song throughout the apartment, no matter the time. Usually at one in the morning but I'd find him sat at the kitchen table with barely any lights on, he'd be holding a glass of whiskey in the air while telling mom and dad how much he missed them before closing his eyes and taking a swig, finishing it off in one go. He wouldn't drink after that, just keep his eyes closed and let the music consume him. I wanted to do the same right now.

Why was I watching my brothers coffin be lowered onto the ground?

The priest was stood behind it on a podium, right in front of a rectangular shaped hole and the sight of it made me bite down on my wobbling lip already knowing I wasn't ready to have to say goodbye for the last time. I shuffled over to my seat, leaning my head forwards slightly in an attempt to hide the silent tears rolling down my cheeks. Everyone had already seen me break down outside the apartment so I'm pretty sure they knew I was crying again.