Talking to myself- YeonBin

Chapter 80- Love?

YEONJUN POV

I made it to Soobin's door. That one layer of safety being all I had.

I had never felt like this before. I was betrayed. Everything I thought I knew came falling down so suddenly that in this moment, I didn't truly know what the right thing to do would be.

Every time I reached for the door handle everything seemed to get darker and faded as if it were a message to stay away from whatever scenario was awaiting behind that one single door. Though it was late in the evening the darkness seemed more engulfing and toxic than ever.

I held his hand to the door, having removed the wedge, just waiting for enough confidence to finally confront what had been hiding for so long.

Would I even really do it? Would I ever see his friends' faces again? Would I really have the guts to go in? I couldn't answer any of them even if I tried. As my hand hovered over that handle I felt as if I were throwing myself away to that intoxicating darkness with the cost unknown.

I shuffled in my position, running my fingers over the knife in my back pocket to assure myself of somewhat protection before slowly pulling the handle and cracking the door open painfully slowly. If Soobin was awake I knew what I had chosen to do would be irreversible.

I peeked my eyes through the thin gap between the door and its frame. It was dark in there but bright enough to see what was going on.

I let out a sigh of relief when Soobin was still layed where I had left him, now being able to enter the room with a bit more confidence than I would have done had Soobin been conscious.

I walked past him, my hairs on end as I saw that Soobin was still breathing for sure but out of it nonetheless. I bent down to the chest of drawers at the side of Soobins's bed.

To my surprise he found nothing but piles of photos of myself and my friends with dates scribbled on the backs with red ink along with locations and times.

"He really did stalk me" I whispered to myself, watching as even more of the darkness of the situation came true.

"Correct, I did" Soobin's voice whispered eerily into my ear out of nowhere.

I whipped around, suddenly finding myself face to face with Soobin. My eyes widened and body cowered slightly as the tall figure of Soobin towered over me with enough confidence to kill a man. Quite literally at that but that only made me feel worse.

"Surprise~" Soobin smiled as he forced his eyeline to fix with mine.

I shot my arms out, pushing him away from me as fast as I could, adrenaline building up faster than I had first imagined it would.

"Stay away" I ordered, my tone angry and strong as I hid the fear I was feeling inside.

"What fun would that be Yeonjunnie?" Soobin asked, twiddling his hands behind his back as he moved back towards me steadily.

I backed away as much as I could before speaking as fast as I could. I wanted to get out of here. I should never have come back.

"I know what you've done," I said, my voice struggling to stay as strong as before.

"Aren't you proud of me?" Soobin asked, pouting before giggling at himself.

"No you sick fuck" I snapped back, sliding one of my hands over the hilt of the knife in my pocket incase I needed it.

"But I did it all for you Yeonjunnie" Soobin sang as he stopped moving, him just as close as when we started.

"I didn't want you to hurt anyone for me" I argued, not wanting the blame for Soobin's actions on myself. Having the blame for something like that would eat me up for the rest of my life. Having the deaths of people hanging over my head in my name would be enough to drive me into insanity.