Disclaimer: this is mostly jailey btw
Hailey: Where are you going?
Zander: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
Jake: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Hailey: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Jake: Absolutely not.
Jake: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Hailey: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Jake: Jokes on you, I can't do math
Zander: You're right.
Jake: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
Hailey: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!
Milly: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!
Hailey: I’m going to take you out
Jake: great, it’s a date!
Hailey: I meant that as a threat.
Jake: See you at five!
Jake: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Zander: I do have a sense of humor you know
Jake: I’ve never heard you laugh before
Zander: I’ve never heard you say anything funny
Milly: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Zander, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Milly:
Milly: fsh
Hailey: What are your goals?
Zander: To pet all the dogs.
Hailey: No, fitness goals.
Zander: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.
'Can I copy the homework?'
Sean: I can help you with it!
Hailey: Yeah, sure.
Jake: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.
Zander: lol nope.
Luke: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!
Milly: *Read 5:55pm*
Jake: I CAN'T DO IT!
Hailey, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Jake: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Luke: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Jake:
Jake: I appreciate it,
Jake: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Zander: Jake-
Jake: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Sean: Jake we gotta-
Jake: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Jake: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Jake, motioning to Milly: NOT FUCKING THIS
Jake: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Hailey: >:O language
Luke: Yeah watch your fucking language
Zander: OKAY WHO TAUGHT LUKE THE FUCK WORD?
Sean: 'The fuck word'.
Milly: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Luke: Oh my god they censored it
Sean: Say fuck, Milly.
Luke: Do it, Milly. Say fuck.
Hailey: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Jake: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Zander: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Jake, learn to listen.
Milly: What if it bites itself and I die?
Sean: That’s voodoo.
Milly: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Zander: That’s correlation, not causation.
Hailey: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Sean: That’s kinky.
Jake: Oh my God.
Jake: Hewwo.
Hailey: Hihiiiiii!
Luke: Greetings, Humans.
Sean: Three kinds of people.
Zander: I want grapes.
Jake: Four kinds of people.
Milly: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?
Sean: Five kinds of people.
Jake, trying to ask Hailey out: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Milly: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?
Jake: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.
Zander: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Hailey isn’t
Hailey: While I’m gone, Jake, you’re in charge.
Jake: Yes!!!
Hailey, whispering: Zander, you’re secretly in charge.
Zander: Obviously.
Jake: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming
Hailey: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak
Jake: Can you keep a secret?
Hailey: Do you know anything about my life?
Jake: No I do not. Good point.
Hailey: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Jake: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?
Hailey: No! Four to five seconds!
Jake: Too late!!!
Drew: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Hailey: It’s not a joke.
Hailey: *sniffles*
Hailey: I’m a legit snack
Jake: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Hailey: How can you still say that?
Jake: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
Jake: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Hailey: What did you do?
Jake: Nobody died.
Hailey: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Jake: How do I deal with my enemies?
Zander: Kill them
Jake: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution
Milly: Kill them only a little?
Jake: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Hailey: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself
Zander: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Hailey: I think you mean cards.
Zander, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not
Drew: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Zander: Thank you
Drew: I didn't say that was a good thing
Zander: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
Drew: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine
Drew: i became more evil if you’re curious
Jake: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Drew: i’m going to get worse on purpose
Jake: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Hailey: Jake, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
Zander: This is such a bad idea.
Milly: Then why are you coming along?
Zander: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong
Luke: Okay, truth or dare?
Zander: Truth
Luke: How many hours have you slept this week?
Zander:
Zander: ...Dare
Luke: Go to bed.
Zander: I don’t like this game.
(Or the Jailey version)
Hailey: Okay, truth or dare?
Jake: Truth
Hailey: How many hours have you slept this week?
Jake:
Jake: ...Dare
Hailey: Go to bed.
Jake: I don’t like this game.
Zander: I prevented a murder today.
Luke: Really? How’d you do that?
Zander: self control
Zander, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Jake: But – that’s just a trash can.
Zander: It sure is!
Sean: This is a mistake
Daisy, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
Sean: But not today
Daisy, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess
Sean: Someone will die.
Daisy: Of fun!
Sean: Milly was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
Milly: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.
Sean: Milly, you ate a chair.
Hailey: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Jake: Three words.
Hailey:
(Saisy version)
Sean: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Daisy: Three words.
Sean:
In conclusion, Jaisy are oblivious beans 🙂
