THE END IS NEAR - conrad fisher

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐍

CHAPTER TEN
'kept me alive'

⎈ ⎈ ⎈

*THIS CHAPTER IS REWRITTEN! I WASNT HAPPY WITH THE PREVIOUS VERSION OF CHAPTER TEN, SO HERE IS THE NEW VERSION!

A COUPLE DAYS after my birthday, i sat on the highest branch of the sycamore tree. today was an unusually quiet and cloudy day in cousins beach, and i liked days like these. days when nobody's really outside, when your plants finally have a chance to grow.

i finished the seven husbands of evelyn hugo so i went to whale of a tale and picked up a new book. this time it was twisted love by ana huang. i had my airpod's in at a low volume, listening to 'tis the damn season and the sound of the violent waves.

i'm confident that if conrad approaches me like he did last time, i won't fall off a tree, and i will throw pine cones at him.

i heard from belly that susannah's health was deteriorating. the trial wasn't working. i didn't know how to feel about that. for the longest time, susannah was someone i knew i could count on if i needed someone. who would i garden with? who would text me romance book recommendations? i suddenly felt an aching feeling in my stomach, i shut my book and clutched my stomach. i felt heat rise to my cheeks, and i realized so much was happening all at once. my eyes filled up with tears and i tried to contain myself, because i don't want to cry. i don't want to like conrad. i don't want susannah to die.

i blinked my tears away and climbed down the tree, careful to make sure i don't fall off. i turned the volume up higher, and as 'tis the damn season ended, funeral by phoebe bridgers came on.

susannah was going to die, probably. i had to come to terms with that. all i could do was treat her like she wasn't.

⎈ ⎈ ⎈

the next day, i walked up to the fisher house. i had a small basket with that had gardening supplies in it, as well as some new seeds. i composed myself and knocked on the door, jeremiah answered. he turned behind him and yelled up the stairs, "conrad! it's for you!"

i quickly shook my head and stuck my hands out, trying to tell him that i'm not here for conrad. jeremiah tilted his head and stuttered, "nevermind, it's not..."

"i'm here for susannah," i breathed. jeremiah looked off to the side and then looked back, "okay. come in," he held the door open and stepped to the side, allowing me to walk in.

"she's in there." jeremiah gestured to the living room. i nodded and made my way towards the living room. susannah sat on the couch covered up in a blanket with a book on her lap. it was one i recommended to her a while ago, it ends with us.

i smiled and stood in front of the couch, susannah looked up and squinted. "well, if it isn't miss julianna carter! you look... you look fantastic." she stood up and took one step towards me before pausing and holding her arms out to keep her steady.

"low on iron," she excused with a small chuckle. she wasn't low on iron.

i smiled lightly, "i feel you. i figured we could plant some things, i got some new seeds!"

her eyes widened, "yes! i've been meaning to ask you but, i'm kinda busy recently. making final touches on the will and other things," she said with no emotion in her voice. my breath was caught in my throat. she said that so effortlessly, like it was no big deal.

i stood behind susannah, and she walked slower than before. not insanely slower, but she used to be a fast walker.

we made our way to the backyard and we sat down next to her fence. i handed her a pink shovel and a new pair of purple gloves. i set down four packets of seeds, and i let susannah choose which ones she wanted to plant.

she reached for a light pink packet, "peonies! my favorite," susannah smiled and tore open the packet.

"so," susannah started. "what's going on between you and my oldest? hm?"

i chuckled and put on my gloves, "uhm, i.. i don't know, honestly." i'm not gonna sit down with conrad's mom and tell her everything he's done right and wrong.

"i've just noticed you guys were talking a lot more and at the beach a lot. but not so much recently, he's been in his room or with cleveland." she added on.

i nodded, "yeah, i've been busy too. school starting soon and all."

i wasn't busy. i'm organized and smart, i don't need to prepare for school other than buy new clothes and get a new pack of pencils.

"i'm loving this new hair of yours too, julie. i think it suits you more than your natural hair. you should keep it like this," susannah smiled.

⎈ ⎈ ⎈

around an hour later, susannah and i had planted everything i brought, plus another pack of peonies just because. we didn't talk about susannah's health. i didn't want to, and i don't think she did either. as far as i'm concerned, susannah's perfectly healthy. she's just living every day like it's her last, which is normal, and good. i shut the front door behind me and walked down the driveway, my basket in hand.

i heard the door open and someone call out, "julie, wait!"

i turned around and i wasn't surprised to see conrad standing on the porch. i could recognize his voice anywhere.

"you're ignoring me," he breathed.

i shook my head, "i've been busy."

"no... you're just ignoring me."

"are you saying i can't be busy?" i scoffed.

conrad shook his head, "no! it's just... i mean, i apologized."

i nodded, "mhm. i've moved on from that."

"but you're still ignoring me? i, i just, i don't really know what to do, julie..."

i took a step closer, "i don't either. but you led me on, conrad. i understand not wanting to be in a relationship yet, but you could have just said so instead of kissing me, buying me books with letters inside, and then missing my birthday. it's— it's kinda fucked up, is all."

"i didn't want to make any promises!"

"you already did when you said you'd be at my party?! i don't wanna waste my time waiting for someone who's emotionally unavailable. fix yourself, conrad. go to therapy, don't let it all build up. it's okay to feel things. and when, you know, you're better... you know where i'll be." i smiled softly and walked away. i was proud of myself for handling it this way.

i think that's it. i think that's the end of chapter one for conrad and i. until he's better, until something changes, i'm not waiting for him.