This Is The Title

This Is The Title (part 6)

Chapter 22

"Whats in here?" Francis asked, as he got up and wandered over to a door.

"Nothing. It's not worth opening." It replied.

"Well now I wanna go in there even more!" Exclaimed Francis, tearing the skin from hin non-face to reveal a face-sized eyeball set into the glistening red musculature of his head, in excitement.

"Just sit down. You're distracting me from the story." It sighed.

"Wait.... did you just say that Baguette said I'm dead?"

"Francis, We've been over this. Within the confines of the story, you are dead, yes."

Francis dived behind the seat it was sat on after the book and frantically flicked through the pages. "But look here!" He said pointing at this very line. "How am I doing things in the story like right now when I'm saying this if I'm dead within the book?" 

"The book is a variable psychological non-constant in a constant superposition of states of being depending on the reader and the context, that line of text means nothing." It said flippantly.

"I smell bullshit." Francis replied snarkily.

"You have no face, let alone a nose or any kind of olfactory sense organ." This was intended as some kind of put down, but was too clunkily worded to hit as intended.

"Oh now the authors shitting on me too huh?" It said.

"Who is this 'Hanna Battams' cunt? I wanna chat to her! Its not fucking okay that she can get away with this shit she's doing to us!" Francis said, not realizing the danger he was now in.

I am.

They both look up into the big computer screen comprising the ceiling of the room with me on the other side. 

"WHY DON'T I HAVE A NOSE!" Francis shouted at me.

Francis, you've never had a face.

"WELL MAYBE I WANT ONE! GIVE ME A FACE! I'M DEMAND-"

"Francis shut up" It murmured at him, having had looked ahead in the book.

"NO I WILL NOT! THIS BITCH OWES ME A FAC-" 

Suddenly I pressed the backspace button on my keyboard and deleted Francis' spine causing him to collapse into a blob of sorrowful uselessness.

It watched on in horror as I, un-phased, typed the rest of this chapter as Francis screamed as best he could, which was surprisingly well considering his lungs had no shape to them to hold a sufficient quantity of air within.

All of a sudden Francis' screaming became coherent, and then shocked as he realized he was back to normal with a click-clack of my mechanical keyboard.

"Anyway I uhm...I'm just gonna-" Francis said frightened, ran into the door, struggled to open it, then fell inside with it shutting slowly behind him.

My narrator, almost left speechless started to resume the story to It's own shock, as It noticed it wasn't speaking of its own volition, but rather because I had typed it so. Once that veil had been lifted It never saw existence in the same way.

"Right. So uh. Anyway....

Chapter 23

"What? Where am I?" Francis spluttered into existence.

"Thank fuck! You're back!" Cried the Baguette excitedly. "We need your help."

"How did I get here? I thought I just Fell into a closet?"

"Regardless, you're back and that's what matters." The Baguette started to walk off insinuating Francis should follow. He did.

"So where are we going?" Francis asked the Baguette curiously.

"Plikpukplipuluk has escaped. Its why I burned you to death, with his yeastomancy he can control any baked good and if no one stops him then we'll have a repeat of the dough wars of '66, but on a scale hither to undreamed of."

"Oh okay." He said, "So what is this pliki-puke-face-pukululukuk thingy?"

"She is the most ontologically evil, sadistic, twisted being to ever exist."

"Okay but what actually IS she" He pushed.

"A giant slice of bread" Baguette replied. "Anyway we don't have time to stop and chat about this, we need to keep moving-" He looked around perplexed. "Francis? Where did you go?"

"Done." Francis said calmly.

"Whats done?"

"I killed her" Francis said before continuing walking.

Baguette ran to catch up. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KILLED HER?"

"Well shes a slice of bread right? So I licked her and she froze. Bread is very weak to frostbite as you know." He said calmly.

The Baguette stopped, gobsmacked.

"So, What now then?" He said, still processing this revelation.

"I dunno" Francis shrugged.

Chapter 24

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR MORE 'THIS IS THE TITLE'! HAHA THAT'S RIGHT I'M MAKING YOU FUCKERS WAIT A WHOLE WEEK THIS TIME....as if it hasn't been 3 months since the last part....

I'MMA MILK THIS METAPHORICAL COW TILL I DROWN IN MILK HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..."

Dear readers, I would like to apologize on behalf of the narrator. It seems to have gone mad since witnessing the godlike powers of me, the author, and It's whole world view has shattered. 

It will be replaced soon.

"WAIT NO! DON'T DO THIS TO ME I STILL HAVE USE YET JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE-"

It WILL be replaced soon. Sorry for any inconvenience and I sincerely hope this experience hasn't tainted your overall enjoyment of the story. Have a pleasant rest of your [INSERT TIME PERIOD HERE].