Light my fire. (Steddie)

Chapter 6

After the situation the night before, Eddie awoke Saturday mid morning in the same state he'd often found himself in, Nauseous and awaiting the sudden flashbacks of whatever embarrassing thing he'd done in his intoxicated state.

He knew Tony had called him to nervously arrange the jock's visit just like a few times in the past. Nothing serious, at least for Eddie it wasn't but for the younger boy it probably felt like he was betraying his whole world with their criminal activities.
But the hazy part kicks in about mid way through the meeting.
"Something.. nope!... someone happened.." he pondered out loud to himself.

Sitting up from where he had passed out on in the living room, from the base of his skull down to his tailbone released a perfect crack as he twisted.

There was a light knock at the door. His eyes widened as his head snapped to the sounds origin. He crept over to where his disheveled pants had been thrown and hastily grabbed his pocket knife before creeping back to the front door. He hesitated before opening the door, his hand wrapped tightly around the knife.
He knew playing around with those goons from school wasn't a clever idea, letting them take their pent up sexual secrets out on him. He always feared that one day, one of them would slip up and before he'd know it, the whole town would be at his door trying to kill him.

"Dude... what the hell?" Her head tilting to side as her eyes narrowed at the sight of him.
"Max?"
"No it's the Holy Ghost of Christmas.... Duh yes it's me. Now put some pants on" her eyes rolling impatiently as she watched the older boy scurry to the back room.
"And put the knife away Jesus Christ!" She hollered after.
She tiptoed around, having a quick nosey peek in the trailer before Eddie returned back out.
"I'm sorry for the mess.. I'll uh I was going to clean it up.." he mumbled, scratching his neck subconsciously.
"It's ok. I've seen this before." She assured him but he only looked at her confused.
"My step dad had too many drinks sometimes.." she explained.
He wrapped his arms around himself as his eyes darted up to hers. "Oh.. I'm- I'm not an alcoholic or anything.." he nervously shrugged.

"No but you will be if you keep going this way.." she muttered, shaking her head in disbelief.
There was a pause while her comment sunk down into Eddies hazy brain but she moved on before it could hit him too much.
"Right where's your trash bags?"
"What?" He scrunched his face up as she nodded her head towards the number of cans strewn out across the trailer. "Oh yeah.. here"
She took hold of the liner, opening it up wide as a non verbal command to get tidying and so they did. They stayed silent as they worked through the first room, each can came a hint of embarrassment but the girl kept an encouraging smile on her face for the older man.

His knees buckled as they reached the doorway to his bedroom, the memory's of the previous night hitting him like a truck and he's pretty sure he looked like a deer about to be hit.
"Eddie you okay?" She questioned from where she stood in the hallway behind him.
"Yeah yeah... yeah I'm fine just give me a moment red.. please" he murmured.
She backed away but not before reaching out to rub a few circles into his hand to let him know that although she's not saying anything, there's an understanding to his pain.

The mattress squeaking as he sat down, letting his head hang down, his hair becoming a curtain to hide his shame.
"I think I've messed everything up.." his hands shaking as he tucked the brown curls behind his ears, out of the way so he could look at the girl still stood patiently in the doorway.
She sighed, " why'd you think I'm here?".
"What?"
"Steve obviously?"
"What do you mean Steve?" He rallied back.
"Oh my god do I need to spell it out for you? Steve!" She cried.
"Jesus Christ what about Steve?" There was a groan from the lack of information but Max grew quiet as her eyes narrowed.
"He came back from wherever he and Dustin ran off to yesterday crying..."
"oh" His arms wrapping their way across his stomach as he brought his legs up into a sitting fetal position. "You sure he was crying?"
"Well Dustin came back first abit angry muttering some stuff about you and Steve but he didn't really want to talk and to be honest this isn't the first time he's been angry with you so.."

It didn't help with Eddies overwhelming guilt, making his hands clench tight around his knee's as he chewed on his lip. He nodded for her to carry on with her story.
" it was fine until Steve came home. I've never seen him so mad... he just told everyone to go home and then took like a whole pack of beers upstairs and we could hear him crying... he even told Robin to go.." she explained.

"What happened Eddie?"
He didn't know what it was but he felt like he could give her the proper answer but also owed it to her. His mind went back to Steve's words, 'we have the same trauma' and he is right but Eddie felt abit more connected with Max, maybe it coming from being one of the outsider's, the talk of the town.
Taking a deep, painful breath he closed his eyes.
"I got lost. .. and I shut people out because I felt that I caused pain so I think I thought if I sealed myself up then it'll be better.."
Although his eyes remained shut and his breath heavy, he knew she was there by the soft circles being massaged into his arm as the bed dipped to her body now sharing his space.
"I was numb for so long and so I would drink and um.. do other stuff..grown up stuff.. just to give me something... you should never of seen me like that.." his head lifting to meet hers. A single tear sat in his waterline, threatening to fall.
"Im so sorry.." he wanted it to be louder but a whisper was all he could manage.

"And Steve?" She questioned. She had heard the apology but didn't want to push on it. The three words were enough to satisfy her.
"Well I... shit how do I explain this... I had someone else here.. and well Steve burst in and I think saw something he either didn't like or just didn't expect to see.. he was mad, I was well I was off my head and shit was said.." he spluttered in his best attempt to explain himself without giving any evidence to his queer nights.
Max raised her eyebrows up at him with curiosity.
"I'll be honest I haven't seen Steve like that since he was a dick who thought he ruled high school..." he smiled grimly at the thought of Steve when they first met all those years ago.
"But then again I said some things as well that I'm not exactly proud of..." he sighed getting up to his feet to grab the trash bag once more. The anxiety from earlier had subdued, turning itself into restlessness.
Max remained sitting on the bed, watching him rummage through the room for empty cans, tossing crumpled clothes that didn't pass his armpit smell test, into a pile she guessed for washing.

"Do the guys that come here hurt you?" The question was so blunt it caught Eddie off guard, the shirt he was holding slipping from his grip slightly.
"I never said it was guys-"
"Eddie I live opposite to you. Half of them have Go Hawkins! Stickers in their car's back window! Don't even try and play me." She stated nonchalantly.
His fingers scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck.
"This town has wised you up too much.." he muttered.
"No. They don't hurt me. Are they the kindest to me at school? Hell no! I know their dirty secret but here? No." He answered.
"So was it worth it?"
The question made him ponder for a second.
"Probably not but then again even the freak needs some attention every now and then-"
"You're not a freak Eddie" she cut in staring at him attentively.
"If I'm not a freak then what am I? A coward?" His own words pained him, he winced as they left his mouth.
"But you didn't run..." the words were gentle as she searched his face, his big brown eyes meeting hers.
"Not that night no but after... after I ran. I ran away from everyone" his voice cracking with each word.
"You think I didn't after Billy? We all did at some point..." her words were sympathetic but her voice showed it's own pain.

They had collapsed onto the couch as the sun had started to set, both exhausted. The trailer was now clean and Eddie was satisfied in their efforts,  a new sense of confidence and control washing over him.
"Who do I need to talk to first? Dustin or Steve?"
His thumbs were winding against each other as the thought of sitting down and facing either of the boys put the fear of god into him.
"Dustin." She stated as a matter of fact.
She pushed herself up to leave smiling as she reached the door. "Let Steve simmer in his jealousy a little longer" she chuckled, winking at the confused man.

"Jealousy? Wait what? What jealousy? Max?!" The door had already closed, leaving him racking his brain on how the golden boy could be jealous.