Athanasia

"To Have And To Hold You"

With eyes as wide as saucers, I watched him incredulously. Watched, how he gulped down his nervousness, watched the expression of vulnerability building in the depths of his blue eyes.

In front of me stood a guy, who showcased his inner turmoil without reserve. No trace of his pride was to be seen, no sign of the arrogant and cold Jae Thornton, I was used to. Did he really put himself willingly on the a silver platter, showing his emotions so openly?

The muscles in his arms and chest were tensed, which made them stand out even more. Damn, even in this moment, my mind realized, how manly and beautiful he was, like an underwear model of Calvin Kline. After all...I was a normal teenage girl...and not blind.

Gulping down my own insecurity, I searched his eyes carefully.

"Do you..." I hesisated to form my next words, my own nervousness getting to me. "Do you...like me?", I finally asked with a raised unsure voice.

Slowly Jae closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He put his hands on his hips, turning away. I could only see his profile, his slightly bowed head. Jae's eyes scanned the ground... obviously  thinking about an answer to my question. His whole composure was strained.

"Jae...", I tried to address him carefully.

"YES!" He turned his body in my direction again, his loud and honest answer took me by surprise.

"Dammit, I REALLY like you",  he shot out in a hoarse voice.

Startled by his outburst, I stepped back. 

"No, don't pull away," he begged, taking a step forward, closing the distance between us. My body was petrified, my feet unable to move. 

This was the first guy confessing his emotions to me. I was...I was...overwhelmed. What was an appropriate response to such an exposure of feelings? I...simply didn't know?! What were MY feelings? Surely not ...love?!

Jae trailed my face, trying to make out my thoughts. 

"Athanasia ...", he pronounced my name in a tender way that tucked at my heartstrings.

"Asia ...call me Asia," I interrupted.

Jae bent his head curiously with a little smile. "Oh? So NOW I am allowed to use nicknames?", he teased me. "It only needed a confession of love to be allowed to call you Asia...?",  he mocked playfully.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Okay, I withdraw my offer, you may call me Miss Anong...", a serious expression on my face.

Before my mind could procede his movements, Jae took my hand in his, pulling me towards him. 

I stumbled right into his arms. To say that I was shocked, would be an understatement. Being physically that close to Jae...made my stomach do weird things. HEAT! I felt hot and bothered and on unknown territory. Should I tear away like an offended Victorian damsel in distress? 

Before I had the chance to decide, what to do, two strong arms engulfed me in a gentle hug. Our eyes connected, scanning each other's expression, searching ...

Suddenly I realized, that my palms rested on his nacked pecs. Like my hands were on fire I withdraw them hectically from his chest, accompanied by his silent laugh.

"You act like you touched a guy for the first time...", Jae laughed at me.

His laugh stopped abruptly, when he took in my demaenor, my flushed cheeks, big round eyes, open mouth. 

Jae's hands held my waist in a firm grip, observing my face with growing understanding in his eyes.

"You...you ...what?", he observed my reaction in disbelief.

"I am the first guy you touch?", a clear demand for the truth in his question.

As I wasn't responding, Jae gently shook me. "Am I?", he pushed for an answer. 

Fascinated, I saw hope and relief on his features. Analyzing his facial expression, I nodded slowly.

"What is it to YOU?", I asked quizzingly.

But Jae didn't give me an explanation. He just stood there, smiling like an idiot.

His large hand touched my hair, that I had french braided, stroking it tenderly.

"A girl like you? Beautiful, smart, sassy...is innocent? Were the guys where you lived brain damaged? Why didn't one guy snatch you away?", he mused in a low voice.

Although I was known to be smart-mouthed and a know-it-all, my smartness left me, vanished into thin air. I didn't know, how to comment to his suggestive questions. 

His eyes were resting on my lips, a predatory expression in his orbs. A fuzzy feeling exploded inside of me, as I became aware, that he was deeply satisfied with the revelation, that I was totally inexperienced with boys. I was a virgin in every aspect of the word. Never touched a guy, never kissed, never...anything.

I snorted. What a macho!!! "You like it, don't you?", I accused him. "You like, that I didn't have a boyfriend? What is it to you? Do you think, you'll be the first...?", I made fun of him. "Poor Stella, does she know, that you set your eyes on me?", provoking him.

"And ladies and gentlemen, she is back...", Jae mocked in a quiet voice.

Trying to whiggle out of his grip, his hands grabbed me possessively. He bent his head to have a better look into my eyes.

"To answer your question: Yes, I want to be your first boyfriend, to have and to hold you. I want to have all your firsts. The moment I saw you, I wanted you.  But you misunderstood Dan's and my behavior on your first say and pushed me away, classifying me as asshole of the year." 

Again, I was speechless.

„Yes, I admit, we handled the situation wrong. I am no fan of violence, Asia, but that guy"...he exhaled deeply, „went on a date with my cousin, trying to force himself on her. Thank heaven she escaped, otherwise..." 

Sighing, I pushed away. This time, he let me hesitantly. „That little shit..", I muttered lowly.

„I am truly sorry, Jae, if I had known..." A hand on my cheek stopped me in my little speech. I watched his face.

"Jae, what are you playing at? You like me ... really?  Is this some strange kind of bet? Do you want to make me fall in love with you, than break my heart?" I observed his reaction to my accusation. But he didn't give anything away. He simply watched me.

„Asia, you definitely read too many romances. This is not ‚After Passion'."

In the next moment I felt warm lips on my mouth.