The Right Side of Wrong

Finding Mr. Right: Part 2

Veronica's POV:

Later that night, Clayface, Psycho, and I meet up with Harley in an abandoned meat-packing plant. To everyone's surprise, she shows up in the Batmobile.

Harley: "Ta-da!"

Psycho: "How the hell did you pull this off?"

Harley: "The car's voice-activated, so I took some recordings of Bat's voice and spliced 'em together."

Batman Voice Recording: "Open Batmobile, allow Harley to drive."

Harley: "He also said-"

Batman Voice Recording: "I definitely make love to bats."

Clayface: "Heavens to Murgatroyd, he admits it!"

I laugh at Harley's ingenuity, until Clayface is hung from the ceiling by a grappling hook.

Psycho: "The signature grappler! The bat-eth hath arrived-eth."

Clayface: "Success!"

Harley: "Stop talking, I gotta make an evil first impression. Shit, I shoulda thought of an opening line. Uh, good after-doom? Pleasure to beat ya?"

We see a Batman-like figure in the shadows, but it turns out to be Robin.

Harley: "What the?"

Robin: "Not so fast, losers."

Me: "Well, well. If it isn't the boy blunder. Haven't seen you in a while."

Robin: "What are you doing here, Mayhem?"

Me: "I could ask the same of you. Where's your den mother?"

Robin: "You think Batman has time to deal with you and these guttersnipes? You're lucky I even showed up. Now, answer the question."

I roll my eyes as I cross my arms.

Me: "She's my sister, you little teacher's pet. My real name's Veronica Quinzel. And, 'too busy'? Harley?"

Harley smirks as she plays the recorded message she made.

Batman Voice Recording: "I definitely make love to bats."

Robin: "Shut up and battle me, nards."

Me: "Normally, I would. But we have more important matters to deal with. Call me when your little friends are ready for a rematch."

Psycho: "Oh god, last week I was in the fucking Legion of Doom, and now this is my life."

Robin: "I was raised by an elite group of assassins from birth. I could take you on my own just fine."

Me: "That's not what it looked like last time. Tell Robo-Nerd I said 'Hi'."

Robin: "You think you're better than me? You're clowns. And old ones at that. What are you? 30?"

Harley picks Robin up by his cape and hangs him from a meat hook.

Robin: "Hey, what are you doing? Put me down!"

Harley: "Tell Batman we're coming for him. And no one fucks with my sister!"

We all walk out, leaving Robin and the Batmobile behind.

{Time skip}

We're all casually watching TV, when Robin comes up in an interview with Tawny.

Robin: "Well, Tawny, then Harley said, 'I'm coming for you'. Course then, we had a huge battle. Tons of punching, some lasers, lotta lasers. And my old foe, Miss Mayhem, was no match for me, even without the rest of the Titans. When I beat their butts, that's when they asked me to be their nemesis."

Tawny: "Your first nemeses at just 12-years old. Now, are you a little sweet potato pie? 'Cause I could just eat you up."

Robin: "Yeah, I'm a little sweet potato pie."

Ivy: "Ah, I gotta tell you, I think he's adorable."

Harley smashes through the newly rebuilt coffee table, so I get to work rebuilding it again.

Ivy: "You know what, this one's on me. I shoulda known that this was gonna put you in a smash mood."

Harley: "Robin's lying. Why would I fight a kid? I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!"

Ivy: "Well, that rules out Batman. Catwoman says he waxes everything."

Harley: "You know what? It's gonna be fine. Maybe this story will run one news cycle and be gone."

King Shark: "I don't think so. You just got a Google alert for an article from the Lois Lane. And the headline is-Never mind."

Harley snatches the laptop from Shark's lap to read the headline.

Harley: "Harley Quinn Fights Child, Sets Evil Women's Movement Back Decades' *gasps*"

Clayface: "Well, the headline is clickbait. But, I bet the article itself is more positive."

Harley: "Oh, shit! It's behind a paywall. Does anyone have a login for the Daily Planet?"

Psycho: "Nope. I already burned through my 5 free articles."

Me: "Ditto."

Clayface: "I can't subscribe to another thing. My inbox is already swollen with-"

Harley: "Well, I'm not paying $7.99 a month to see shit like this!"

Psycho: "Let's just kill her."

Harley: "Or, we kidnap her and make her retract the article."

Me: "You can't fuck with Lois Lane, people."

Ivy: "What if Superman comes?"

Harley: "Great. Then, I'll have the most powerful nemesis in the world."

Me: "Oh, honey."

TO BE CONTINUED