Jade (Yuzuru Hanyu)

10 - Jingle Wells

A/N: HEWWO!!!! It's been soooooo long!!!! Real life and procrastination was a bitch tbh. And no the title isn't a typo because in this chapter Jade cries a bit hence the "wells" hehehe bad pun I know I know. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter please let me know what you think!! I hope to update more regularly from now on!! *fingers crossed*

Christmas day was as normal as the others, snow falling slowly, people rushing to get their KFC dinners and me rushing to somewhere, again, same as always. My mind was quiet and just like how snow was covering the impurities around the world, this new serenity was trying to cover the impurities in my mind. It was nice, and peaceful unlike my usual waking hours and also sleeping hours since the nightmares were still continuing but at least I was back to my normal daily life and still trying to pull myself together and manage not to break in the face of stress and others' demands.

*

"Itadakimasu"

Isamu-kun brought the delicious looking food before leaving us alone with Sofya.

"Do you remember the year we went skating on the frozen lake and nearly died from frostbite at 2 am?"

The sudden flashback made me giggle, "Of course I do, how could I forget the night we were almost dying?"

"Eh, maybe it would be for the best."

I froze upon hearing the sentence.

".....What the hell Sofya?"

She didn't answer right away and continued to play with her food. "The thing is" she deeply sighed before continuing, "Lately, there is nothing genuinely excites me anymore, or something which I'm looking forward to."

"It's because of me isn't it? I caused you to move here and leave everything behind in Russia."

"NO! No no no, it has nothing to do with you, I promise. Jade I wasn't happy there either, the competition was too serious and it started to affect both my mental and physical health. Shizuka is a great coach and always makes me feel better about myself; something Eteri would never let me."

"But now you are sad, bored and feel you have nothing to look forward to because you broke up with Anya, and this was my doing. If I didn't move back here maybe you'd never consider coming here either."

"Well, there is no way we could've known. Also there is no good in contemplating about already happened events."

The food wasn't looking as delicious as it did before, because no matter what she said, deep down the guilt was still going strong.

"Sofya, I realized I couldn't spend a lot of time with you recently, and I'm seriously sorry for that. I should've been with you more considering the break up."

"You weren't exactly living the best life, were you? We still didn't talk about your panic attacks, don't think I forgot those."

"In my defense it would be weird not having those attacks when you have Yuzuru's gaze on you all the time and afraid of every small mistake you'll make."

"I don't buy it, Jade. You've been training with him for months. These attacks and nightmares started just last week, exactly when you saw the news about Viktor."

The silence wasn't broken before I finished my bite. It wasn't that I was feeling uncomfortable talking to Sofya about him, it was because words couldn't manage to form meaningful sentences and find their way through my head. She was still waiting patiently for me to say something.