Inceluous The Before Years

Chapter 1

"All is endured. I still hate. Still, I endure all."
                                                         -From the Diary   of Holloway M. Holloway
                                                                   Written on Monday, 11th of May 2020

The world has a particularly interesting way of making you learn from your mistakes, which I was hapless to find out first-hand through my own experiences with a young girl in my year group. The name was Isabella Harding or 'Izzy' for short. She was everything you could ever want in a girl; radiant blonde hair, mesmerising blue eyes and a bright passionate mouth. She was my whole world for the small amount of time that we were friends. Nothing could ever go wrong I thought, however good things never last or at least they don't for me.

Me and Izzy were close for a time, ever since she had been moved up into my set in maths. This, unbeknownst to me, was a blessing in disguise. She wasn't all that her body would have you believe about her; dumb, uninhibited and desperate. However she was kind, resourceful and most of all she was one of the few girls in my year who didn't look at me with pure disgust. She didn't judge my book by its cover and had decided to take a sneak peek.

We bonded over various things such as our love for Marvel comics and the Korean pop band BTS, who by the way make some fantastic tunes. She would come around my house to revise for any upcoming tests but most of the time would end up listening to some K-Pop and making tier lists ranking BTS's biggest hits. Those times were one of my fondest memories up to that point, making me smile more than I had been wanting to in a very long time.

For the month that we were friends, she was my world but I had one secret that I had been attempting to conceal as to save what we had. Something that I thought, and I was correct in thinking so, could end our friendship if I were to talk to her about which I couldn't afford with me not having the resources to find many more companions as caring as she was. I had feelings for her. Not opinions or feelings about her but feelings for her. Loving feelings. I felt like she was finally the person to usher me out of my shell and improve me for the better.

It was only a short amount of time since I had met her but that first interaction between us had me hooked and that infatuation only grew with time. The fact that she liked the stuff I admired, watched the stuff I watched and talked to me like I was even close to being her equal, which now I know was an absurd fantasy.

Every time I was with her I couldn't muster the words to tell her how I really felt. How I was wanting to put my hands through her luscious blonde hair, caress her perfect body and to tell her that I loved her. To tell her that I was her man and to make her feel safe and secure with me. That was the dream. The dream I couldn't avoid, the dream I couldn't run from and the dream I had to learn to embrace. Which, for better or for worse, is what I attempted to do.

I figured I had to ask Izzy out and tell her how I felt before it would eat me up and spit me out which is what I finally decided to do one Thursday afternoon. I had texted her to meet me after school at the usual spot, the bike rack, as to not make it seem so obvious and out of the ordinary to which she agreed. That was step one. Step two was just to wait for that clock to hit 3:15 to mark the end of the school day and I'd be one step closer to my destiny. Too bad it would seem I would miss a step later on and come crashing down.

The bell finally rung after what felt like the longest day I had ever witnessed, much akin to watching paint dry or watching a marathon or even just watching Titanic on a cable channel. But it was finally time. I had built up the nerve to speak to her about my feelings and deal with the consequences which I hoped to be positive. Sweat was boiling, nails were being bitten and floors were being tapped as I eagerly anticipated her arrival at the bike rack. What was taking her so long?