[TAEKOOK]•OWN IT•(it's yours) COMPLETED ✔

CHAPTER 11

A dead air.

“Tae?” Jeongguk tries again, voice cracking a bit, as he continues to cradle the younger male’s face between his hands. “Why… are you suddenly talking about—I mean—why does it seem like you want to leave? You were just so sure awhile ago about not wanting to let me deal with this alone.”

Taehyung takes a deep breath, looking at anything or anywhere but Jeongguk’s eyes. His insides were already hammering, and his brain was working itself into a state bordering on hysteria and he doesn’t really know what to do to make it stop. His hands just continue to stay limp beside him, wanting to touch Jeongguk yet forcing himself not to.

“I just—” he pauses before going over his words he said a while ago, and laughing with no humor in it. “God, I sounded like a real ass, didn’t I?”

Jeongguk only frowns, still trying to catch the younger’s gaze.

“My mind went… haywire for a second. And when it did, I started doubting everything. I literally thought of how we were doing something wrong that only felt right for the both of us and no one else. I thought that maybe we’re being too selfish, only caring about our happiness and ignoring that someone else was hurting because of us.”

“Baby, we’ve been over this—”

“I know and now I just realized how pathetic I sounded.” Taehyung blinks a few times before continuing. “But it’s just—like that every time. Every single fucking time I get scared, the first thing my mind tells me to do is run away to escape because I hate dealing with the consequences—trust me, Guk. I tried to be brave for you a while ago. And it worked for a short time but when I saw how your mom looked at us, the confidence I had in me vanished quickly—”

He stops when he feels Jeongguk stroking his cheeks gently, tipping his chin up slightly so Taehyung could look at him but the latter only pulls his head down because he doesn’t think he deserves to look at Jeongguk right now.

“I grew up being wary of my decisions all the time. I didn’t want to do anything wrong so questioning myself every time I’m doing something, if it’s wrong or if it’s alright, is a habit of mine and I don’t think I would be able to get rid of that anytime soon—but still, it’s not an excuse for what I said and how I acted a while ago. It will never be,” the younger continues and exhales, voice quivering while shaking his head, “And I had no right to comment about how you treated your mother because I didn’t know how your relationship with her went before, but I still did comment about it and acted like I knew shit. I say words so carelessly when I’m not thinking straight, and I don’t even mean them most of the time—”

And Taehyung doesn’t even know if he’s still making sense. He just wants Jeongguk to understand what’s currently going on inside his mind, but he can’t even understand it himself, so what’s there to expect?

“Tae, baby, look at me—”

“Jeongguk, Just, please… I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to seem like I was leaving you because, God, I don’t think I ever could. I was so panicked. Coming back to Seoul just felt like a whiplash for me. That I didn’t actually solve any of my problems. That I just ran away and I still have to deal with them. Everything else piled up because I left everything behind. I broke up with Eunhee with only a half-assed explanation. I still haven’t fixed things with my best friend yet I left the country so easily because I—I wanted to get away.

“Always wanting to run away from things once they get too complicated for my liking and you just… You don’t deserve any of this at all. You don’t deserve someone who’s always running away, someone complex, someone complicated and someone who’s always apprehensive but… this is—me. I’m complicated. Indecisive and just hard to deal with in general—”