Lost

Chapter 15

                             ELLIE JONES

Yesterday was a Sunday. But not just a Sunday, it was the most boring Sunday ever, which I didn't know was possible. From working at the bookstore, going to eat lunch alone, back to the store, going home to eat dinner, and finally going to sleep, nothing was different. You may be wondering why it's the most boring Sunday ever. Well, I haven't heard from Alfie or Isaiah.

It's weird how my life has completely changed in a matter of days. They clearly provide me with the dose of drama I need in my life, and their absence is proof of it.

However, enough about yesterday and the boredom that followed because I am almost certain that today will be anything but boring. Today is Isaiah's trial run at the café. If that doesn't scream exciting for you, it definitely screams exciting for me. I just can't believe I'm going to be spending the next 6 hours with him, and this time it's not going to be an accident or a coincidence. I throw on a plain white shirt and blue jeans and walk to the café, having nothing but high expectations for the day.

As I am approaching the café, I notice that Isaiah isn't there yet. Just as I'm about to give him a call, I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Hey!" I hear a voice that can only be described as my hell and heaven combined. Isaiah walks up next to me and I notice his rather...different attire, which is actually thanks to me. I told to him that the attire is white T-shirt and jeans even though it was really just me trying to satisfy my subtle cravings of seeing him in a color other than black. I praise myself internally seeing how the white shirt brings out his defined but not overly muscled body. This has to be some kind of compensation for all the years I've been deprived.

We finally reach the café, and I'm snapped out of my... inappropriate thoughts. I've never even dreamt of things like these before, but I guess turning 19 opened the doors to my own awakening. I've definitely been missing out on a lot. Alex walks over to greet us, and tasks me to show Isaiah around and where to store his things.

"This is the staff room where we keep our bags," I show him into the tiny room. He places his bag onto an empty spot on one of the shelves and I start putting my cap and apron on. He must have noticed this because he grabs a set for himself and tries putting it on too. He puts the cap on fine, but struggles with tying the apron. I stand in the corner, waiting for him to finish till I realize we are both never leaving this room at the rate he is going. I offer to help him tie it and he lets go of the strings, surrendering. I couldn't help but notice the tinge of red in his cheeks from how embarrassed he is that he's unable to tie it himself, so I refrain from making fun of him.

As I am tying the apron up, I notice how close we are, and once again the familiar and comforting scent of mint and vanilla finds it's way into my system. It is an odd combination and one only he can pull off. "All done," I whisper to his back, not sure why I'm even whispering at all. He turns around and I have to tilt my head up to come face to face with him. He stares at me with those burning eyes that it felt like I am in a trance, like he is in complete control over me, and I let him. He leans in closer, and slowly moves his hand to touch the side of my face. I'm drowning in his scent and his presence, and I don't want anyone to save me.

I instinctively close my eyes, letting my heart guide my every move, even though this has proved to be a mistake time and time again. He places a soft and gentle kiss onto my lips. It's nothing like I had expected, but everything I ever wanted. We could have stayed like this for much longer if it wasn't for Alex.

"Are you guys done?" We are both instantly brought back to reality. Isaiah immediately leaves, without saying a word while I stand in the room alone. I gently trace my lips, with the taste of him now embedded in them. I can't believe we had just kissed. It was nothing like my drunk first kiss with Alfie. It was my first conscious kiss. A kiss I would forever remember to be extraordinary.

After composing myself, I walk out to see Isaiah being briefed by Alex on what to do. Would things be awkward between us now?

We go about the rest of the day without speaking. I'm still trying to process the kiss, and what it means to me, what it means to him, and more importantly, what it means for us. It was clouding my thoughts. He was clouding my thoughts. When it finally comes the time to eat lunch, we both head to the tiny staff room and take a seat on a stool. It feels like the room was forcing us to speak given the small amount of space. We give each other occasional stares, as if wanting to say something to the other, but not knowing when, what, or how to say it, so we let the silence do the talking for us.

Our shift finally ends and I offer to help Alex clean up and Isaiah silently agrees to stay with me. Alex places the keys on the counter to avoid leaving us stranded here, again, and leaves. "Okay, why don't you just grab a cloth to clean the tables and I'll sweep?" I suggest, finally breaking the silence that has been lingering between us. Isaiah nods and we both get to work. I usually like the silence, but this is the kind that makes me squirm in discomfort. I sweep aimlessly, and end up bumping into him. I curse and swear at my legs before turning around.

"Oh screw it," he says, throwing the cloth aside and grabbing my face with such a gentle force, pulling me in for a second kiss. I feel an overwhelming amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins, this entire situation feeling like a scene plucked straight from a romance film. We continue until I suddenly remember that I had seen him with a girl before. It is now my turn to pull away, and I run to the staff room to gather my belongings. I am not going to be a third party in someone else's relationship. I may be desperate and longing for love, but I wasn't that desperate. I dash off fighting the urge to look back, knowing that if I did, I would go running back. That is the control he has over me. Even from a distance I can hear him call my name.

"Why are you running away from me?" He grabs my wrist and spins me around.

"I can't do this Isaiah. I'm already falling for you as it is, I can't fall any deeper," I blurt out.

"You're falling for me?"

"You heard me. Now make fun of me all you want, I have nothing to lose," I blatantly lie. Truthfully, I have a lot to lose. I could not only lose him as a potential friend, I could also lose every ounce of dignity I have left, which wasn't a lot. "Please just go, meeting you has done nothing except turn my life into a chaotic mess," I tell him. It's partially true, but I the truth is, I like the chaos. I like the madness that came with being with him. The thrill. He is the chaos in my peace and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"You know what. You're right." He suddenly lets go of my wrist. "The kisses were a joke, to make you finally admit that you have feelings for me." I stumble back, feeling like he had just run a dagger through my heart. I expected him to reject me, but that didn't make the rejection hurt any less. He made it sound like I was just a joke to him. He was playing with my feelings knowing I liked him in a way more than friends did, yet he still kissed me. Twice.

I could feel tears threaten to fall but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. I had already humiliated myself enough.

"It's good to know where I stand with you Isaiah." As soon as I turn around, tears spill down uncontrollably. I was finally letting all my emotions out, for each tear represents the feelings I had for him, and maybe still have. They were all coming out one by one. The pain is beyond any description, and it's all my fault. I let myself fall for him, I let myself kiss him, I let myself fall into his trap.

When I'm home, I don't bother to even change, or shower, or do anything. I only lie on my bed, and pray that nothing else will come between me and sleep.

The world has already proven that it is bent on making my life miserable.