Lost

Chapter 47

ELLIE JONES

I reach out for it, and hold it in my hands. I'm not even sure why my hands are shaky. It's the book I lost months ago. But not just any book, it's my very own annotated and highlighted My Beaux copy. I was sure that I had lost it that day when my bag was unzipped, so how did it end up with Alfie? I flip through the pages to see my handwritten notes of love. They really reminded me of who I was. The way I swooned over their relationship and how romantic Alfie is in the book.

It made me see just how inexperienced in love I was. After all, when a heart is inexperienced, it makes innocent naive decisions. When a heart is broken, it makes impulsive choices. I might not be very experienced in the arena of love, but I am definitely not inexperienced anymore.

I flip to the last page of the book and notice a white envelope. I'm sure that I'm not the one who placed it there before. There's no name on the envelope, it is just blank. It must be from Alfie, he always used to tell me how much courage it took for him to confess to me the first time.

I take out the letter from the envelope and unfold it to read.

"Dear Ellie,

Before I leave for the states, I want to tell you something. Actually, more than just some things, but a lot of things. Where do I even start? I love you, so much. But I think you already know that. Long before you, I thought that love wasn't real. That it was something my mum made up to make me go to sleep at night. That it was a lie. That is until I met you. That's why saying goodbye to you was so difficult. I love you to such an extent that saying goodbye to you broke my heart into a million pieces, and you were the only one who could glue it back together. It was so difficult trying to let go of the memories we had made together, knowing you would be making those same memories with someone else.
I know you hate it when someone dictates your choices, but I had to do it. I don't deserve you, and I never have. You should be someone who can treat you the way you deserve.
I know that you may never forgive me for how much I had hurt you, and I will never forgive myself either, but I hope you can understand that I did all of this for you. I love you too much to see you ruined by me.
Be happy, even if the one who brings you happiness isn't me.

P.S. not romantic at all, but I know that you love this book to pieces, and I happened to find it in the backseat of a taxi. I thought it should return to its rightful owner before I leave.

Love,
Isaiah"

I feel the paper drop to the floor. He did say goodbye. He did tell me he was leaving. My tears stain the heartfelt letter as I reach out for the book. I look at the last page where he wedged the envelope in and see that he has written something else.

Something that shatters me even more than the letter.

"To my beaux, I finally found you."

I close the book and reach out for the second thing that caught my eye earlier. I place them side by side and gasp.

It is him.