Lost in July

XXI

Collin
~
These past two days have gone by extremely slow.

After Margo left, group therapy became extremely unbearable; and, suddenly I realized how much I don't care to share my feelings with random people.

Without Margo, there was no one to hang out with. I saw Bell once, but she was crying in a corner and wanted to be left alone. I called Margo once, but she sounded sad and exhausted, which rubbed off on me.

Thankfully today is my last day. Unfortunately, that also means it's my therapy appointment with my family.

I packed up all my shit last night and decided to wear a pair of jeans and a cotton sweater. My mom likes when I dress "presentable," and I'd like to pick and choose my battles today.

I'm not expecting much feedback from my father. I doubt he'll say anything other than an introduction. My mother will do the talking, and probably the crying.

I throw my head in my pillow, sighing out heavily. The hot air covers my face and the feeling of suffocation is almost peaceful. I take my head out. That's not a great thought.

I pull myself up and out of my room, heading to therapy wing for my appointment.

I press the button, indicating I'm here. Dr. Indy opens the door immediately. "Collin! Good morning. How are you?"

I walk in as he steps aside, taking a seat. My parents aren't here yet, thankfully. "Okay," I mumble. "nervous."

"Nervous? For your parents to join us?" He asks.

I nod my head once. I'm embarrassed to admit the fear and anxiety my parents cause me.

"There's no need to be nervous," Dr. Indy assures me. "you control the entire session. If it's proving to not be helpful, we end it. It's all on your terms. You're the priority here."

I hear his words and try to digest them, but my paranoia is winning.

Dr. Indy and I go over the goals for the session, but I'm practically dissociating the entire time.

A knock sounds at the door and the knot in my stomach grows. I don't bother standing as Dr. Indy heads for the door.

They shake hands, reintroduce themselves, faking smiles and pleasantries.

My father walks in first. His talk, dark figure making me feel small as it always does. He's clad in his usual navy work suit, his briefcase in hand. Everyone says we look alike, but all I see is a scary man.

"Son," he nods, the smallest smile on his lips.

I raise my brows in acknowledgment, trying to prepare myself for my mothers entrance.

I hear her shout my name in her whiney high pitched voice. She pulls me into a hug and kisses my cheek. "I've missed you so much,"

I pat her back. "Missed you too, Mom,"

"So," Dr. Indy waltzes over to his chair and pulls out his journal. "todays session won't be too straining. I thought it'd be beneficial for Collin to express his feelings to you both before returning home."