Seven Weeks to Forever (Love / Romance)

Chapter Thirty-Five

Countdown to The Life-After: two days.

Time in The Before is a tricky thing. Sometimes it seems unending, like being in a constant state of waiting for something while the second hand on the clock just barely inches forward. Other times it seems to rush by, and it seems crazy that an entire day has already passed since waking up and that it's time to go to sleep again. Time is so carefully measured here in The Before, down to the nanosecond. It's like we're all grasping for control of something we can never hold onto.

I've spent most of my time here as Cassidy wishing for the years to fly by, so I can return to The Life-After. I've dreamed of the moment I'll be part of the lights and colors forever, never having to come back here. Now I'm almost there and I don't feel the way I always thought I would. There are less than forty-eight hours to go, and now I find myself wishing for more time.

I should be happy all of this is almost over. I know what I'm going back to and that the job I came here for is done. Riley's heart and energy are open and flowing, and his life will unfold the way it's supposed to. The Life-After won't need to cut this life short for him, and he won't need to come back here as a second-timer. Or that's what Noah keeps saying, anyway.

What I know, though, is after I leave, nothing between Riley and me will ever be the same. We'll meet again in the Life-After, but by then he'll have gone on to love someone else in a way that's deeper than what he feels for me right now. I think about waking up next to him this morning, and about his sleepy smile and the soapy scent of his skin. How I tingle when my energy connects with his. The light shining in his eyes over breakfast, and the feel of his lips on mine. The pure joy rushing through me that I can see in my energy.

"Noah?" I call out from where I sit on the sofa, expecting him to show up in my living room at any moment. I wait, but there's only silence.

"I need to talk to you." More silence, even though I know he must hear me.

I want to stay. I don't speak the words aloud, but it takes less than a second for Noah to appear in front of me.

"About time," I mutter.

"It was hard to hear you. Now I see why." He walks over to the armchair across from me and sits down.

I don't say anything, waiting instead for him to infuse me with his energy like he did the night that I blacked out. The infusion doesn't come. I have to look twice to make sure I'm seeing what I think I am. Instead of bringing his energy closer to me, Noah's pulling it farther away.

"What are you doing?" I ask. I try to connect my energy to his, but I'm not strong enough. I see the sparks get a little duller and move an inch closer around me.

There's no mistaking the disbelief on Noah's face, or the disappointment in his eyes. He doesn't even try to hide it. Great. A lecture from him is the last thing I need right now.

"I should ask you the same thing," he answers. "You haven't been connecting."

"No, I haven't been. I want to stay."

Telling him that is sure to make him boost me with some of his energy. When I don't feel anything, I look up at him. He's watching me.

"I can't stop you," he says.

He's my advisor, though. If anyone could stop me, it's him. In fact, I'm pretty sure he has to stop me. I'm telling him I want to break one of the rules.

"Wanting to stop you and being able to stop you are two different things," he continues, putting his hands into his suit coat pockets. "You have the free will to let your energy level drop to the point that even I can't reach you. I just hope you don't forget."

"Forget what?"

"What you went through before you left here the first time. Or do I need to remind you?"

I don't answer him. I can't even focus on forming words. My body clenches and I try to fight the feeling that's making my muscles seize everywhere, but it's stronger than I am. Then I realize where it's coming from.

"What are you doing?" I croak. There's pain shooting through me in so many places that I don't know where it starts or ends. Everything blurs around me and the pain keeps getting stronger. I'd crawl out of my own body if I could. Then I see myself as Anna, flashes of lights and sound everywhere around me. My breath comes in gasps until I choke and fall forward to the floor.

Stop. I can't open my mouth to speak, but Noah hears me. The feeling stops almost as quickly as it started. I keep my eyes closed while I wait for my pulse to slow down, my hands balled into fists. My fingernails dig into the flesh of my palms.

"Please don't ever do that again," I say, opening my eyes. I can barely hear my own voice.

"I hope I don't have to remind you again." If he feels even a tiny bit bad for what he just did to me, his face doesn't show it.

"You don't," I assure him. "I remember it well." The searing last days of being Anna before I blacked out on the road, caught in a memory, and went into the rocks. The last time I could breathe before it all went dark and I woke up to see the colors and the lights.

"I don't think you remember it well enough," he replies. "If you did, you wouldn't be doing what you're doing."

I'm silent for a minute. "I don't understand this," I finally say.

"Which part?"

The thought of leaving in two days aches in a way I can't quite put into words. Still, I have to try.

"You want me to love him. You want him to love me. You said that's why I'm here, so he can open his heart and connect with other people again. And he is."

Noah nods. "You've done your job well. You should be proud of yourself."

I ignore him, because pride is the last thing I feel right now. "So why are you asking me to break his heart?" And why are you asking me to break my heart all over again? I don't speak my last thought, but I know he hears me.

He presses the tips of his fingers together, looking at something in the space between them. The seconds tick past while the clock in the room keeps count. I wonder if he'll answer me.

It takes fifty-seven ticks of the second hand on the clock, but he does. "There's a difference between loving selfishly and loving truly, but you might not see it. I want to show you something."