(Mikes POV)
Trigger Warning: F slur
As soon as we both pull away from the hug, Will stares at me. And not the nice kind. Did I do something?
"Why did you do that?" He asks. Before I can say anything, he interrupts me. "First, you said that you regret kissing me back, then you told me that I was disgusting for being queer and then you hug me? I'm not just some toy! I'm a real person with real feelings! I feel things, Mike! I'm not just the boy that you kiss on the down-low when you feel like it. Is that so hard to accept? You- you can't just play around with my feelings like this! I've liked- no. I've been in love with you since I was a kid. And you do this to me?"
How can Will think that?
"I like you, too! And I have since we were kids!"
Will chokes down tears and scoffs. "Really? You can't even say it. First El, now me. Really original, Mike."
What is he talking about?
"What do you mean?" I ask and Will laughs. He's... laughing?
"Wow. You really are this oblivious. You can't even say you love me. Guess you're right. You really don't love me and what happened last night shouldn'tve happened. I really am a disgusting faggot."
How could he call himself that?
"What? Will- no, don't call yourself that!" I say but Wills facial expression looks annoyed.
"What? It's true. I am a disgusting, weird, gross, stupid f-"
"No! Will, stop it! Don't say that!" I interrupt and Will looks up.
"Mike, you almost called me that just now! Why are you stopping me now? Am I this useless to you?" What? No!
"What? No! Will, you're the most important thing to me in the world!"
"More important than El?"
Why is he doing this?
"What-? I- I like El, too! But- not like that! Not like- not like how I- how I-"
"How you what? Say it."
Why would I say it here? Well, I already kissed him on the cheek and no one saw so...
"Not like how I like you! You're my best friend and you always have been! El could never compare!"
Wow, did I really just say that? I can see Will blushing. Does that mean he forgives me? No... he could never forgive me for what I said. I wouldn't even forgive myself.
"Mike?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you enjoy kissing me?"
How do I answer to that? I mean- yes! But I don't want it to sound weird!
"Y- yeah. Did you?" I quickly ask and Will quickly gets flustered. Is that a yes?
"Maybe," he says and laughs a little.
"Do you forgive me?" I ask.
Will looks a little startled at the question but he doesn't give a verbal answer, he just nods.
"Yes?"
He nods again.
Oh, thank God.
But, how could he forgive me? After all those things that I called him just now. How would he ever be able to forgive me?
"How?" I say.
"What?"
"How did you forgive me so easily? I mean, those things I said. I didn't actually mean them!"
"Yeah, I know. But, Mike, you haven't been called these things your entire life by your own family. My dad used to... say things about me. He used to hit me and threaten to hit me if I were ever to act like a queer. And when he left, things sort of.. got better? I sort of forgave my dad a little bit because he wasn't really the one to blame. I was. I was the disappointment to my family because I didn't feel like they all did. I'll never have a girlfriend, like Jonathan. I'll be alone for the rest of my life."
Hearing those words come out of his mouth killed me a little bit. I always knew that Wills dad treated him like shit, but that? I feel really bad now.
"Will, I swear I didn't mean anything I said then. I'm so sorry. Truly." Will gave me a look and I immediately hugged him again. "I'm so so sorry," I say again. "Thank you," Will says and pulls out of the hug. "Thank you, Mike," he says again and this time, I lean in to kiss him. And not on the cheek this time.
I don't care if anyone saw us or heard what we said or whatever. This was about Will and I could see that he really needed it.
Every time we've kissed, it feels like everything goes quiet. Like I can't hear anything around me happening. It feels like the moment of silence between lightning and thunder. One mississippi. Two mississippi. Three mississippi. Four mississippi...
Bang.
We kiss again. The next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I've had with El has been wrong.
Then, Will pulls back. Did I do something?
"Is everything okay?" I ask worriedly.
"Yeah. Just- just thinking." Will looks back up at me and shoots another kiss at me. It makes me realize that every kiss feels different. In a good way. It feels like the first time.
