"If a book told you something when you were fifteen, it will tell you it again when you're fifty, though you may understand it so differently that it seems you're reading a whole new book . . ."
***
Holding my head oblique, I stared at the scar on my arm.
My skin was pale because I hadn't seen much of the sunlight for months already, but the scar stood out like a wildfire, and I scowled at how I had never noticed it before.
My mind was fuzzy as I hadn't slept well, and I continued staring at the scar, unable to remember how I got it in the first place.
I must have frowned or let my facade slip up as my gege spoke, "what's bothering my lovely didi tonight?"
I smiled softly through the rearview mirror, shrugging my shoulders.
"This scar gege, do you know how I got it?" I raised my arm high enough to show it through the rearview mirror, and my gege raised an eyebrow, his face devoid of emotions.
"You don't remember anymore?" I thought about it before shaking my head, determined.
"I don't remember how I got this scar; my memory stays blank." I traced the scar carefully with my finger, it didn't hurt, but I could imagine the pain it once had brought for some reason.
"You forget stuff so often, didi." My brother teased with a gentle smile now adorning his face.
I hummed.
"We're talking about that scar on your left arm, right?" I nodded, withholding an upcoming yawn.
"Before the outbreak, we used to stay with auntie and uncle-"
"Why?" My gege laughed heartily, shaking his head.
"Didi, I would have told you why if you had let me continue, but we stayed with them because mom and dad were often away for work; they only returned once a month and sometimes not." I couldn't help but feel a shiver run down my spine at the mention of our family.
My memories seemed so vague and far away that I barely remembered my parent's faces, and if they were to stand in front of me, the chance was likely that I wouldn't recognise them.
The realisation of that was like a stab through my heart, yet there was a tiny voice in the back of my mind, whispering that if they were important enough, I would never have forgotten them int he first place.
I shook the voice away.
"Did mom and dad not like us? Was that why they never returned home so often?" I watched my gege frown as he continued shaking his head, but now for another reason.
"No, didi, they loved us; a lot, but work was just making it difficult for them to be home." I nodded, trying to rack my brain for information about my parents.
"Because of aunties overprotective nature, she didn't let us go out of her sight often, especially you, didi, because, in her eyes, you were way more fragile because of your health." My gege looked at me through the rearview mirror, probably to confirm that I was still listening as I looked back, making a weird face just to be able to see that soft smile on my gege's face.
I wished he would smile more often like that because it made me forget about the situation we were trapped in.
"But I hate to be watched under strict gazes," I off-handedly muttered as it drew a faint laugh from my gege.
