𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 ━━ 𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐝

fifty five | go

"A court wedding?"

"A small court wedding."

I twist the engagement ring around the finger, gazing down at the glistening diamond I never thought I'd see on my hand.

"You already had a big wedding. And I've never wanted one."

Derek folds the comforter over the sheets after having fixed the rest of the bed. He runs a hand through his bedhead.

"Would you still be wearing a white dress? Or is that out the window, too?" He questions in a mocking tone.

"Of course I will." My brows knit together. "Der, do you want a big wedding?"

His shoulders shrug nonchalantly. "Not a big one. Just not a small one either."

As I reach him at the other side of the bedroom, I gently cup his cheeks and turn him to look towards me.

"White dress, tailored tux, all of our friends. . .maybe a pianist?"

"That's all I need."

Derek's excited about figuring out how to remove more of Izzie's tumor while I have to work with George and Hunt to remove a young man's perfectly healthy leg.

"Captain Mason told me that you saved his life at least four times in the field."

"Yeah, and a couple of times in the canteen. But don't tell Mason I told you that."

"So, you think I'll get to go back."

"Are you sure you want to?"

George disrupts their conversation.

"I mean, why do you want to cut off your leg? Just to go back to the war?" He glances between the needles and the patient. "Don't you have family?"

"Do you know what it's like to have family who don't know you? Who don't get you? Maybe even don't like you?"

"Yeah, actually, uh, I have brothers."

Charlie swallows a breath as he nods. "There's that family. The guys I grew up with and have nothing in common. And then there's my guys in Iraq. . .my real family. Whatever we got into, we were in it together."

Hunt begins to pay attention, reflecting on his own transition out of the army.

"But here. . .I'm alone. I'm nobody. And I've tried. You know, I've tried fitting in here. I've tried being a regular person. I've tried getting a job, but there aren't any."

I gaze down at the floor below.

"There are a lot of things that I wanted to be in my life, a lot of things I wanted to do. . .but none of them's here."

Regardless of our words of advice, Charlie continues to be adamant about the amputation. So, we page in the big guns.

"Charlie, if we admit you, if we do what you're asking us to do, the pain in your leg. . .there's no way of knowing if the amputation will cure it."

"But it might."

"Yes, it might." Hunt nods his head.

"And once I get the prosthetic, then —"

"It will be months before I can even begin fitting you with a prosthetic — which won't feel anything like a new leg, by the way. It will feel like five pounds of metal that hurts and pinches."

"The army could also say no." I lean against the small desk. "There's no guarantee that they'll take you back."

His determined nature shines through. "They will. Chances are that —"

"Do you really wanna take that chance, Charlie? You're asking me to remove one of your limbs —" Callie reminds him of the dangers again.

But Charlie's had enough.

"Yeah, you think I don't know that? You think I want to cut my leg off? Of course not. Am I sure about this? No. The only thing I'm sure about is that I am in hell right now. That. . .I am sure of. I've lost everything — everything I've worked for, everything that I care about — and I've traded it in for a six-times-a-day pain-pill habit that doesn't even work. So don't waste both our time by trying to scare me. Because you do not scare me, Dr. Torres. After everything I've been through, nothing scares me."

Silence ensues in the hospital room as Charlie turns to the rest of the doctors.

"So, are we gonna do this or not?"

By that afternoon, Callie's come to terms with the fact that she's gonna have to cut off a healthy leg. Just in time for surgery.

"The vessels and nerves are separated."

"Skin flap is done."

"Ready when you are, Dr. Torres."

". . .remind me again why I'm doing this? Someone please remind me again." The orthopedic surgeon twists the saw in her hands.

When no one else speaks up, I do.

"This kid, you don't know what his future holds. None of us do." My eyes shift to Charlie's unconscious body laying across the table. "He could win many fights, save many lives. By doing this. . .you're giving him a chance. You're giving him a chance by saving him."

George adds to the conversation. "We're doing what he wants. It's what he wants."

Distantly, Callie nods her head, thinking of what her next mode of action is. Returning to reality, she makes the first cut.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Here we are."

"Just like we were a month ago."

The ferry boat scrub cap sits on the top of his head, tightened and tied at the back. His surgical gown is already thrown on and hugs the scrubs to his body.

"Last time, you planned an elaborate proposal right after."

"Don't expect a celebration that'll top that moment."

Our words are drowned out by Izzie and Alex's love-driven discussion as to why she signed a D.N.R., similar to Denny.

"If something goes wrong in that surgery, I don't want any extraordinary measures taken to keep me alive. It's not what I want."

Her fingers clutch Alex's shirt.

"I went crazy when Denny signed the D.N.R. because I didn't understand. I didn't understand, but now I do. And I need you to understand."

Tears gloss over his eyes.

"I don't want you to go crazy. I want you to have a brilliant career, and I hope that I get to be here for that, but if I can't. . .I just want to go to the other side."

Her voice cracks towards the end.

"I don't know what's there, but it's gotta be better than hospital beds and tubes down my throat, so please. . .if it comes down to it, just let me go."

The only sound comes from Alex sniffling and Izzie's heavy breathing.

"And right now, kiss me. Close your eyes. . .and kiss me."

Derek and I turn away as Izzie tugs him down for a passionate kiss. I look towards Derek with tearful eyes and a red nose.

"Derek, I know you want a wedding with our friends and family in it, but I-I can't stand not being married to you."

"Is that what you want?"

"It is."

"Then we'll go to city hall tomorrow."

His lips leave a velvety kiss at my temple, right above the faint scar the gunshot left behind. I relax into his touch one last time before he has to go.

"Say it."

"It's your phrase, Der."

"But it feels truer when you say it."

". .. it's a beautiful day to save lives."