Channels (MizukixOC)

Chapter 34: The Past and the Future

Mizuki opened his eyes to see darkness, and then, faded images filled his mind. Young Ume, by the riverside. He smiled at the thought. Ume as a young girl, sitting in Yonomori's lap while Mizuki attempted to cook. Ume as a young girl sitting with Mizuki beneath the plum blossom tree. Ume as a teenage girl, beneath the same tree, leaning on his shoulder and looking up at him with such admiration. How did he not see it that she had fallen in love with him too, all those years ago. The world was suddenly blazing with fire. From that fire, came the faded images of Ume's parents beating the girl. It made his heart ache, but it was a past he couldn't have affected. He didn't even know her yet. 

Then he came face to face once more with the moment that shattered his heart over and over again; the day he let her fiancé take her away. The day he wished he had been more selfish and kept her at the shrine. The day he forgot himself. But it didn't hurt the way it used to. Instead, a question rose in his mind. Was he still the same yokai he was those hundreds of years ago?

"You're a failure!" Suzuka's voice echoed in his ears, "You let her die! You made her suffer! It's your fault she forgot you and it's your fault she will never remember you!"

If he saw another little girl, drowning in a river, would he leap in to save her, or let the pain of his past make him sacrifice another's life to save himself? If he found a little girl crying in an alley, would he take her in and care for her the way he had for Ume? If Ume had truly been gone, would he have ever moved on? Would he have ever been able to make the same selfless decisions he did?

"Fool! You were never brave! Without a master, you're helpless! Without someone to praise your every step, you wouldn't even get out of bed!"

No. If Ume had truly been gone, he would've never recovered. He wouldn't have saved another who was suffering if it meant risking the same feeling of loss in his heart. He wouldn't have opened his heart truly. He never would've taken off the mask of his smile and shown how broken he truly was. 

"You can't live without her and when she's dead, I'll leave you alive so you can curl up in the ruins of life that you've made your home and cry!"

So much regret had filled his mind when he saw Ume alive. The many ways he could've prevented her suffering and the many reasons she deserved better than him. He had wished he didn't have to face her.

"Why even try? You know you're weak! Even now, she suffers because of your weakness! You're hopeless!"

He was grateful she lived. He was grateful for every scar on his heart left by his mistakes, because now he knew now, no matter how much he cried, he could still survive. He lived those hundreds of years wasting time wishing he could change the past, when he should've built a better future. If he let himself fall now, he wastes everything his pain has accumulated to. The strength, the knowledge, the love. 

He had Ume's love. She didn't hate him or resent him. She forgave him everything though it should've been unforgivable and he couldn't waste that.

"Mizuki! Mizuki!" 

Tomoe's voice. Mizuki smiled slightly. Tomoe had never sounded so concerned. Mizuki had no more tears for those past memories. He was sure now, deeper than he ever had been when he pretended with a false smile, he had let go of that pain. 

Even though now he still only saw darkness, he could hear everything Suzuka didn't want him to see. His friends, Otohiko, Lady Narukami, crying out in fear of the memories Suzuka showed them. His rivals, Tomoe fighting Suzuka tirelessly and Ikusagami trying to fight his own past. His enemy, Suzuka cackling twistedly at Tomoe's struggling.

Mizuki felt around the ground. He must have dropped it. Where was it?

When his hand wrapped around the handle of the lucky mallet, a small, peaceful smile spread across his lips. He stood up and listened. Where was Lord Ookuninushi?