Ao3 story (Why would you ever kiss me)

Part 10

It wasn't until the morning that Eleven had realized that Will was gone. She hadn't heard him move. Not to open a door or a window. He had simply disappeared. She looked down at the spot where he was supposed to have been and immediately felt guilty.

Why did I say that? I didn't mean it.

It was true that she felt like he'd betrayed her in some way. A way that she couldn't quite put her finger on. But it wasn't his choice to take over her body. And maybe it wasn't his fault for loving Mike either.

So. Will liked boys. And Will loved Mike.

El winced, feeling all of the pieces fall into place all over again. When she had been in Max's mind, she'd not heard only one voice crying out to her. She'd heard two. El had initially been put off by the way that Mike had confessed his apparent love. Because she'd heard in that chaos, in that crucial moment, Will practically begging her boyfriend to share his true feelings for her. But true feelings don't come out like that, especially when the person you have true feelings for is dying. Shouldn't it have been easier for him to say it when she was dying?

You're the heart!

And after learning about this painting that had so clearly shaped Mike's new view of her, she could hardly say that he was in love with her anymore. He was in love with the voice that Will gave her.

It was this mystery painting that seemed to convince him not give up on her. That just wasn't fair.

And Will had practically given Mike to her at the expense of his own feelings.

El felt dampness trickle down her cheeks.

And she had still made him pay for it with her words. She remembers thinking in the moment that she'd wanted to hurt him. Hurt him like she was hurting. But he didn't deserve it.

What must he be thinking? Why did I say that?

"Monster." El whispered. The stray tear that dripped into her mouth made the word taste salty.

I'm a monster. A real monster.

I don't deserve a family. Do I?

El stood up and looked for a pen and paper. She needed to find Will before the others realized they were missing. She had to fix what she'd intentionally broken.

She wrote:

El and I are going to visit Dustin's.
We will be back later. Don't worry. Love you.
-Will
<3

Out of habit, El drew a heart after her message. The symbol almost felt like a lie to her character now. After what she did, how could she ever claim to be loving?

She set the pen down and left the short note in a clear place where it could be found.

Little did she know that she probably should've signed off as who she truly was: El. Because when Jonathan found the note, he did not recognize the loopy letters as that of his little brother's handwriting.

——

The rain showed no signs of stopping and the boredom was beginning to set in.

"We could just leave." Mike said then.

"And get soaked all over again? No thanks." The both of them had just begun to start drying off, too. It would be pointless to leave now, especially when they had no idea where else they could go. Will was not going home. And Mike had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to go home either.

Will's thoughts got lost in the downpour outside. He used to love the rain. Now he just associated it with the destruction of his childhood. Since he'd destroyed Castle Byers, his sanctuary, the rain of that day seemed to cling to him. He could never be clean of it. Every day since his thoughts were in a constant downpour.