Ao3 story (Why would you ever kiss me)

Part 19

Mike woke up naturally, the mid-morning sun beaming through his eyelids, the sound of a heart monitor ticking like a clock in his ears. His first few moments of wakefulness were hazy, like he wasn't quite certain if he was in a dream or reality. The ceiling was blank above him, cold looking, just out of reach of the sun's touch. All at once he remembered where he was.

I'm at the hospital.

Will.

And he felt the weight of something lying on his chest. He slowly moved his eyes towards the culprit.

El's head was nestled in the crook of his shoulder. She was almost curled up in a ball next to him. The corners of his mouth lifted at the sight. And he thought it was cute until he realized that she was shivering. Quite violently.

All of the pleasant thoughts that had started to culminate in his head evaporated, making way for a torrential downpour of worry. Something was wrong.

"El?" He gently tapped the top of her head. She flinched at his barely there touch, taking in a quick breath. It looked like she was crying. When he realized the magnitude of what could be happening, he slid out of her grasp and sat on the floor. She was breathing fast, jittering and shaking like she was having a nightmare. No, she was definitely having a nightmare. Unless it was something else. Something to do with—

"El? El open your eyes." He grabbed her shoulders and shook her a little. But she wouldn't wake. Her eyes flicked back and forth underneath closed eyelids.

He'd seen this before.

Will. Will. Will.

Unresponsive. Unwakeable.

And Mike was scared. "Wake up, please."

Her eyes finally opened, wide and glistening with tears. She looked startled. The vice around his heart released its grip.

"Mike?" El was still visibly trembling, a cold sweat perspiring on her brow.

"You were having a nightmare." He searched her gaze and found nothing that could quell his worry. "Are you okay? You're shivering."

El sat up, the motion clearly taking immense effort. Mike almost thought she was going to start crumbling to pieces in front of him with how panicked and fragile she looked. Trembling. The remnants of her tears drying on her pale face.

"I'm just cold." She brought her arms up around herself, her eyes were wide. She looked traumatized. "So cold."

El looked haunted and dead tired even though she'd just woken up. Her teeth started to chatter so she clenched her jaw. She curled into herself in front of him.

Mike felt helpless.

He pulled El to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. Holding her as closely as she would allow. She was cold. No, freezing. A temperature too low to be considered normal. He moved his arms up and down in an attempt to heat her up with the friction. It only seemed to startle her. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.

Mike wasn't a warm person. His hands were always a little cold. The same could probably go for the rest of his body. He likely wasn't helping at all.

Just another thing that makes me not good enough for you. Too cold.

How does that saying go? Cold hands, warm heart? Lies. I'm not a good enough person to have a "warm heart." Cold hands. Cold heart. Heart.

I'm not the heart.

Mike hugged her a bit tighter, willing every particle of himself to change in that moment. But why was this happening to her? What was going on?

"D-did I get you sick?" The idea alone brought intense guilt. Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I'm no help to anyone anyways. What am I supposed to do? Except make things worse apparently.