Presage Covenant

Aftermath

Beam POV

It was 4 in the morning, the time that he usually calls me because it was the time I end my shift. But now, no more. Everything that I got used to was gone.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" I screamed the agony that I felt inside my chest.  I threw everything that I could get my hands on. I was a morbidly weeping, screaming, and throwing a fit. I even broke the glass window that led to my room's terrace. I destroyed them all. It was as if a massive storm passed through my room. 

The door to my room burst open and I saw my dad frantically looking at me worried. But I just kept on with my tantrums: wailing and raging. He tried to restrain me by hugging me but I struggled to keep away. It didn't matter if I was hurting my own father with all my pushing, punching, and kicking. In the end, he was able to hold me still long enough for my mom to inject me with a tranquilizer. I calmed down and went to sleep due its effect.

Get up! I don't like what you did! Get a grip will you?!

I swear I heard those words ringing in my ear which made me jerk up from my bed. I was the guestroom and not in my room. I am sure, it was Forth's voice that woke me up but when I look around, he was nowhere to be found.

"I hope you will always do this. Always haunt me so I know that you're here with me." I said out loud.

Suddenly, a soft breeze blew causing the wind chimes by the terrace door to clang sweet sounds. I smiled. He was there. My soul knew it, aside the fact that I smelled his distinct smell... the earthy scent of cinnamon. 

In the days that followed, I arranged my beloved's funeral. As part of our armed forces, honor guards were stationed at his wake. He might be inside the casket but his manly charm and handsomeness can still be scene while he was in his formal soldier uniform. After three days of having a wake in the capital, I went with him to his home province. On the ninth day, we laid him to rest in his land of his birth. Just as his last request. He was naturally given full military honors.

"Thank you Beam for everything." Aunt Luchie said to me after the formal events.

"I'm sorry auntie if this is the only thing I can do. I will understand if you will hate me because I wasn't able to save him. I'm really a worthless doctor." I said with my head in a bow. 

"No son, if I were in your shoes, I will do the same thing. I don't want him to suffer anymore than he endured. I'll tell him to let go and just rest peacefully. We all know he had no chance to live after all that happened." Uncle Freddie remarked sadly.

"Thank you for loving our son, Beam. You just don't now how much you made him happy. We will consider this a deep debt of gratitude towards you. Those smiles from Forth, no one can make him do those except you. You're special Beam. You're the only one he ever feared, the one he acts childish around, and the one he acts cute with. You're the only one perfect for him." Aunt Luchie added.

Somehow, Aunt Luchie's statement loosened the tightness on my chest.

The morning after putting Forth to rest, I came with his family to the river where they let the black cloth that they wrapped around their head during wake be taken by the calm flow. They also burned some straws and mixed it with a huge drum of water before using it to bathe themselves. Forth's parents urged me to join them. "This is our local custom here for the pain and longing to be washed away."

Somehow, even as a man of science, I believed what they said because for just a little bit, the pain subsided. I said my goodbyes to the family by nightfall and return to the capital. Since then, I never stepped back inside the operating room or did duty in the emergency department. I seldom come in for duty anyway which Dad understood completely.

 I did myself a favor and enrolled myself into therapy because the trauma that hit me was a different kind of huge. Sometimes I just find myself staring blankly and I was easy to be irritated. I began getting bothered by the siren of ambulances or even the whirring of a helicopter. But the most terrifying thing for me was a booming sound akin to a gunshot. I always imagine Forth being shot in front of me on the chest. Sgt. Vachiravit was still under comatose which added to my frustrations. 

As advised by my therapist, I started activities that will take my mind off the source of my stress. Beak pulled me in joining him to the gym. I also started attending yoga classes and dance classes. One class particularly somehow let me express the sorrow I had in losing my love.

T/N: I really recommend that you watch this video. When I attended this class, this chapter was directly in my mind. I really wanted to exude Beam's emotions when dancing this. 

For the Lover that I lost
by Sam Smith
Performed by: yourBombshell
Choreography: Ritz Beltran

Hmm

Think about your lips and the way they kiss
There's so much I really miss about you
Sitting on the beach, you were still in reach
And I haven't felt free without you

All of the memories feel like magic
All of the fighting seemed so sweet
All that we were, my love, was tragic
And you're the last thing that I need

So I lay a dozen roses for the lover that I've lost
I stand by all my choices, even though I paid the cost
Oh, all those nights, the lows and highs, I share them all with you
So I lay a dozen roses, I lay them there, I lay them there for you, mm

You've been on my mind, every single night
I can't visualize life without you
I've been tryna go a week without losing sleep
But there's something that I need to go through

All of the memories feel like magic
All of the fighting seemed so sweet
All that we were, my love, was tragic
And you're the last thing that I need

So I lay a dozen roses for the lover that I've lost
I stand by all my choices, even though I paid the cost
Oh, all those nights, the lows and highs, I share them all with you
So I lay a dozen roses, I lay them there, I lay them there for you, oh, oh

So I lay a dozen roses for the lover that I've lost
I stand by all my choices, even though I paid the cost
Oh, all those nights, lows and highs, I share them all with you
So I lay a dozen roses, I lay them there, I lay them there for you

I found myself crying my hearts out after performing. Thankfully, our dance coach was aware of what I was going through and led me to the studio's private office to give me time to calm down. 

After a month, Sgt. Vachiravit finally became conscious. I had millions of questions for him but it was too early and he needed to recover much more first.

Eventually, months passed and undas season came. I visited Forth's grave together with Beak and Sgt. Vachiravit. That's when Lam told the story behind what happened to them in their operation. His guilt was still eating him because he couldn't do anything to save his friend and comrade.

T/N: Undas is our season here in PH to visit the dead. I'm sure you also have your own seasons in your culture.

"What is done is done. Don't blame yourself. You all did what you can during your mission. You risked your life for the country. You simply had more luck to survive for your wife and soon to be child. One must die so the others may live." I said while touching his shoulder.

"Beam..." Lam whispered while crying. Beak simply looked at me.

"He's happy where he is now. He always visits me in my dream during the first couple of weeks to scold me on what I was doing to my self. But now, it became more seldom because he knows I'm okay now. I hope you will be too, Lam. Let's not blame ourselves anymore. It's exhausting. Let's just be happy. Let's start with the first step: Acceptance."

Forth's family arrived while we were still in the cemetery. A small banquet was held after a short ritual, prayer, and music. It's part of the local tradition. Before the sun set, I told them I will be going back to the capital. 

"Beam, my son, we'll be expecting you in Forth's death anniversary, alright?" Aunt Luchie reminded. I simply nodded before I left with Beak.

T/N: I simply split the original chapter in half.