Goodbye (Eddie Munson)

Pills and Potions

13: Pills and Potions

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"I really don't want to upset you by talking about this right now."

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(A quick thing, most times it takes years to diagnose BPD. I myself have BPD, and try hard to not let it show in my writing but... that's complicated when a character is alot like myself lol)

BPD, borderline personality disorder. That is what I have been diagnosed with. Makes sense to me sort of, but dosent explain the whole upside-down thing. I tell myself it was a drunken hallucination. At this time there is no medications that can treat this, just treating symptoms so they have me on a mood suppressor I think they called it. I call it high time, since I feel extremely high for 5 hours after i take it then i calm down. But therapy is what I need. Like I'll ever go after I get out.

It's been a week and a half since I have been here, and only family has been allowed to visit. I can tell you that after I've been on medication I have thought a lot about things. One thing for sure is I miss my best friend Steve, Robin, and Max. Second I need to apologize specifically face to face with Mike and Dustin. Third I'm head over heels for Eddie and every second I can't see him kills me as it did with Billy. Third I have officially grieved over Billy and I'm ready to move on from it, that was one step I made first.

"You shower?" My roommate asked, her name is Emily Collins. She's in here because her mother and father thinks she's crazy, but she said she's a witch. Or does witch craft? Sounds crazy.

"Yeah, before breakfast. They forgot about me in there again!" I huffed as I put on the plain Grey scrubs, they swallowed my skinny body. I haven't been eating well, and dropped 7 pounds the past week and a half. I'm now on watch to eat everything on my tray.

"I hate when they do that shit!" She rolled her eyes. Usually when we go pee or go shower were locked in the bathroom nobody comes in and we cannot come out untill we're unlocked. It sounds stupid I know, but it's for safety reasons. They also put a lot of thought into making the area to where you can't harm yourself. I haven't shaved since I got here.

"Lunch." A nurse called down our hall. Emily and I walked beside each other as we went to the big hall.

Lunch went by quickly, I had to sit with a nurse as she watched me eat. I had to do a mouth check after I finished even though she fucking watched me swallow it all. Finally I was about to go to my room when Knott walked in, my therapist.

"Vanessa Quinn." He motioned for me. "You're getting discharged." He tells me after we have made it half way to his office.

"Wait seriously?" I asked happily.

"We have minimal capacity, and a patient who really needs the bed." I understand that as I'm the "most stable" of the rest of the people here. Which is not entirely true, but I didn't admit to self harming. Only thing I've admitted to was all the violent behavior to people, mood swings, and seeing Billy. "Now you are scheduled to see me twice a week, I will be in your schools counselors office to meet with you." He assured me. "Weekly weigh ins, they will be dismissed if you show improvement." He tells me as we got to the front of the building where they stored our clothes we left in.

"Can I wear the scrubs home? Not feeling like uniform is appropriate today." I say holding up the clear plastic that held my Hawkins cheer uniform.

"If you think you you're not ready to take that step, then that is a good step for you. You can wear the scrubs if you wish." He says as he grabs a stack of papers off the counter and signs a few. "Your mother is out there waiting, I will see you in three days." He tells me as I sign on a dotted line.