Kazimir
I stared at her face not wanting to believe she was serious. My heart thundered in my chest and in my ears, I could feel the blood rushing around my body and my body humming with hotness.
"Why are you saying no?"
"Because you're asking me for marriage, kids, a lifetime! You want to spend your life with me Kazimir that's... that's not possible," she said, quietly.
"Why isn't it possible?"
"I haven't thought that far into the future and matter of fact, you're probably thinking with your dick."
"I'm not, I'm thinking with my heart. Imani, I'm in love with you, L'vista I love you," I said, desperately.
I need my words to go through her head. I love her, I was madly in love with her and it had taken me this long to know it. I have known for so long, but I never said anything until now. Sitting across from her and watching her laugh made me realize just how in love with her I was. Her eyes glossed over once more.
"I told you I don't know how to love, I can give you sex, advice, even being one the people helping you to-."
"Neither do I, but tell me you don't feel it between us. You don't feel the love between us."
"I-."
She pressed her lips against each other and her tears fell out. Her face in twisted agony as she got off the table and began fixing her dress. I hated seeing her cry, but she didn't believe she could love, when she was wrong. We were in love with each other the whole time. She wouldn't have said yes, if she wasn't.
"What if I betray you?"
"What if I cheat? What if I fall in love with someone else? What if I fa-."
"Those are possibilities, they might not happen and if they do then we deal with them when it happens."
"I have a daughter, that I didn't know about until a week ago. You can't possibly want to take care of a child that isn't even yours," she rambled.
"I do want to take care of her, she's your daughter, so she's my daughter as well. What's important to you is important to me."
Her shoulders fell and so did her tears. My heart was aching as she softly cried. She shakes her head, but I hated that she was shaking her head. She backed away from me and she turned towards her chair.
"I can't do this."
I tried to reach out to her, but moved away from me. She grabbed for her purse and held it against her. She didn't look at me, her hair fell in her face shielding her face from me.
"I can't do this Kazimir," she whispered.
She began walking away from me, but I wouldn't let her. She can't fucking walk away from me, she can't leave me like this. I felt a weird sensation rise through my body, I was becoming hotter and my hands were hands were shaking.
"Imani, baby please, don't walk away from me," I plead.
Yet she doesn't stop walking. I could catch up to her easily, but my breathing became harder and the hotness in body was unbearable like pins of hotness. I breathed harder as I watched her get to elevator and she began pressing the button aggressively.
"Imani, please, I'm sorry. Don't do this."
I reached her and I held her hand in mine. She kept her head turned and never looked at me. I pulled at my tie as I wanted her to say something, then the elevator doors opened and she walked into the elevator, her hand slipping away from mine.
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"Imani!"
Mikhail and Henrik entered the elevator with her. They never made eye contact with me and I didn't stop the elevator from closing. It shut and there was heavy pressure in my chest. Sweat tricked down my face and I began tugging at my shirt to release the buttons.
My whole world felt as if it was caving in and I had lost everything. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't only hear my heart. I staggered to the side as I tried to gasp this feeling in my chest. One of my men came to my side, but I shoved him away.
"Kazimir."
I held onto the table and I tried to control my breathing, but I couldn't. I stared at the black table and I began pounding my fist into it. What the fuck! Why? I did everything right, but did I not do something.
"Fuckk," I yelled.
What did I do wrong? Why can't she do this? Why? I just needed a reason why. I continued to beat my hand into the table wanting to make the feeling go away. I felt like I lost grasp of reality and nothing felt real, the one thing I needed to keep surving went away. A feeling that I hadn't felt in years.
~~~
His body dropped to the ground with a hard thud. He groaned and my mother screamed in horror, I watched as they began running away. They both wore dark hoodies, their faces slightly hidden. One of them had a noticeable scar on their face it ran across his cheek and down to his mouth. I will never forget that scar.
I looked back at my father as he laid on the ground, his blood now spilling out onto the dirty pavements. His breathing was labored and my mother was on her knees over him.
"Aleksander, please hold on," she cried.
"It's okay, it's okay," he rasped.
"Father...?"
"Kaz..Kazimir," he sputters.
"Father," I cry.
His breathing slowly became slow and he was moving his head to the side. My mother held his hand and she begged him to hold on. My ears began ringing as I slowly drowned out the noise around me and watched my father bleed out.
My hands were shaking at my sides and I went to him. I fell on my knees trying to understand what was happening. His blood soaked into my tattered jeans and I looked down at him.
"I love you both, please. Darling, you are my everything, never forget that. I'm sorrr tha."
"No, don't be sorry. Don't Alek please, god just hold on."
~~~
The memory played in my mind and the feelings I had that day were the same. I her walking out on me, felt like watching my father die in front of my eyes. I softy beated my hands into the table, the plain slowing gaining on me. My fist were bloodied and I analyzed the mess I made.
Blood dripped from my hand and one of my men came over with a napkin. I took my hand into the napkin and my blood soaked up into the napkin. I turned around as my men glanced at each other not sure what to do. I licked my lips as my hand began stinging.
I headed towards the elevator, I pressed the button and stood there waiting. I held the napkin against my hand taking in deep breaths. She couldn't have possibly gone anywhere, but if Mikhail and Henrik were with her then maybe I can get to her.
I dug my good hand into my pockets and pulled out my phone. I unlocked it and went into my contacts to call Mikhail. I called him and he never answered the phone. I called Henrik and he didn't pick up either. I groaned as neither of them decided they wanted to answer their fucking phone. She might have told them not to pick up the phone.
I rested against the back of the wall. I would give her space maybe that's what she needed space. I would allow her to have that space, but we would have to talk eventually. My phone began ringing and I saw it was Alexei. I answered the phone and put the phone to my ears.
"Hello?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm leaving the restaurant, what is it?"
"I know what happened, Do you want to meet me?"
"How and Where?"
"Mikhail. At the penthouse, Megan isn't here."
"Fine, I'm on my way."
We said goodbye and hung up the phone. I put my phone back into my pocket and I leaned against the back of the elevator wall. I started up at the ceiling, closing my eyes. I couldn't believe that this was happening and I had a panic attack watching her walk away from me.
***
"I told her I loved her," I said.
"She didn't say it back, did she?"
"She shut me down completely, she said she couldn't do this and she mentioned what if's, she-."
He narrowed his eyes and he tilted his head to the side. He picked up his glass of water and he clicked his teeth, swaying his head side to side.
"That doesn't make sense, she said yes to being your girlfriend, but no to what?"
I sat back in the chair and sighed. My head was hurting me just thinking about everything that had happened. I massaged my temples.
"She asked how long we were for," I say.
"As in relationship wise?" He asks.
"Yes," I nodded.
"Okay.. and what did you say?"
"That I wanted years with her, marriage and kids, I know I don't want anyone else," I answered.
"No wonder why she left," he spoke
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I snarled.
He put his hands up and slowly eased them back down. He looked at me and he seemed to be thinking carefully about what he was going to say. He sucked on his lip for a second and clicked his teeth.
"You told her you wanted a life with her, when she just became your girlfriend. You're thinking about life together and if you look at it in her perspective she's never had that before. I know some of what she's been through, but you might be the one man in her life that has done her good and she's scared. It's probably fear Kazimir, she's scared of something or she's just stressed out about her daughter, but something's probably up with her."
"When did you become a know it all therapist?"
"When I had to sit and listen to Sergio's martial problems," he chuckles.
"If she's scared or stressed out, what do I do? I don't know if jewelry and designer bags can fix this," I say, glumly.
My tone is flat and my voice soft and quiet. My emotions settle with reality. She's scared and I have probably scared her away with the idea of marriage and children. She said that she wasn't ready for a baby, but I didn't mean now. I meant that in the future.
"Give her space, just let her process for a bit then you can talk again."
"How long is this space for?" I ask.
"Who knows, until she's ready."
"I'm giving her twenty-four hours."
"She might need more than that," he pipes up.
I don't respond to him and I looked down at my pants. I would give her some space to allow her to think, but I wouldn't be able to wait that long. Why would she say yes to being my girlfriend, but not to us in the future? Why did she think that it wasn't possible?
