Sparkling Cosmos {A Torchwood Story Two} [COMPLETED]

25. The Beginning Of The End

Owen's POV

By the time Gwen comes back with the long-awaited Captain Jack and Toshiko, I'm just getting round to taking the bullet out of my shoulder. I've been taking care of Evelina for the past twenty minutes or so - well, more worrying over her than anything. What can you do to help a person who's being plagued ruthlessly by a tear in time and space?

As soon as the cog door revolves open, Jack runs in and immediately stops at the sight of me sticking a syringe of numbing agent into the muscle just below the bandages I've badly wrapped. I've never had to bandage myself up before and I don't want Ianto near me.
"What the hell happened here?" our boss explodes in confusion, taking in me with a bullet wound, Evy slipping in and out of consciousness on the sofa, and Ianto pouting in the corner. Tosh doesn't even ask - just runs over in her heels and helps with my shoddy bandaging.

I scowl. "Ask Sam Winchester over there," I retort and jerk my head towards my male coworker. "Good job he's a crap shot."
"I was aiming for your shoulder," Ianto says indignantly, and I just roll my eyes. I'm done with his shit. The world didn't end, we got our team back, what is he still complaining about?

But I know without asking. It's Evelina, and I can tell everyone is unnerved by her state: twitching every so often as she's collapsed on the sofa, breaths coming in gasps and pants, the Rift sucking all the energy out of her; the only words she's been able to get out are rambling pleas to make the pain stop. I don't think she's been conscious for more than thirty seconds ever since the Rift opened.

A wave of guilt drowns me again. I did this. True, the Rift was closed back up afterwards, but it hasn't for poor Evy. I don't know what I've done to her; I want her to be okay again. We've just gotten back onto delicate grounds after all the fuckery I've done - it can't be over now.

I force myself to concentrate on tweezering the bullet out, and as soon as I'm physically fit I walk over to the sofa and crouch next to Evelina.
Some kind of power gets given back to her at somebody being near, and her long lashes flutter before she slowly opens her eyes. Her multicoloured irises, usually electric in their hues, are now dull.
That's... never happened before.

I clasp her hand, and she narrows her eyes at me. "Owen?"
I force myself to smile. "Evy. The Rift is closed. I'm sorry I opened it in the first place."
"Don't worry about it," she whispers, despite literally everything that screams the contrary; "you did what needed to be done in the moment. Nothing got hurt."
"Except for you," I say quietly so only she can hear. Her eyebrows arch down.

I need to get something off my chest, so I say it quickly, before I lose my bottle: "I feel so guilty for doing this to you after all the shit I've already put you through. I said this morning that I was going to do better - then I go do something like this just because of-"
"Because you were reminded of Diane. And Katie. And me."
I didn't think she'd understand. I guess I've got Evelina Cosmo Firestone all wrong, again.

She continues, her voice strained as she fights to say it. "It's okay, Owen. Healing isn't linear. You're allowed to go backwards, as long you make a promise to go forwards in the end."

It's all getting too deep, so I shake my head at her and tut teasingly. "How can you still be so chill about all this shit? After all these years of working with you, living with you, you've always been able to keep a handle on things. How?"
I'm trying to send myself up whilst also being half serious, and I think she can tell.
She shrugs and smiles weakly, mysteriously.

"I choose to be kind. My past, present, and future don't determine what I am - I determine that I am still kind, after everything."

~∆~

After Evelina passes out for an hour straight on the sofa, Jack takes one look at her and demands I take her home and put her to bed. "But you come back afterwards," he adds to me in a serious tone; "I need to talk to you about the Rift."
"Yes sir," I say sarcastically, giving him an emphatic salute to pretend I don't give a crap. Cuz maybe I didn't used to, but now I do. Because I know everything from now on is my fault.

"Nos da," Ianto says in a slightly stronger brogue as we pass him, and I wanna pause and ask him what the hell that means in Welsh, but my hands are full right now. I'm sure I'll ask him later.

Because we took my car as Evy could barely walk even before the Rift opened, I help her into the passenger seat and she summons all her strength to do the seatbelt herself. I keep giving her side glances throughout the car ride, anticipating when she'll black out next, nervous of what else could happen. Time Lords are psychically linked to time and space - what happens when those are in jeopardy? I don't think even the Captain knows.

She keeps an arm on my shoulder the whole time we go up the lift and into our flat, and I lie her down on our bed.
"Do you want anything?" I ask, eager to make it up to her, and she mumbles half-asleep, "I really wanna eat some fondant icing."
I reel back. "Ew. By itself?"
She nods weakly, and I'm even more grossed out. "But it's so sickly!"
"I didn't ask for your opinion, I asked for fondant icing," she protests, and her eyes drift closed again.

I get a panicked intrusive thought that she might die right here, so I shake her shoulder gently and her eyes drift open. They're still lifeless in their sockets.
"Evy," I begin, firmly to try and hide my nervousness, "do you know what's happening to you?"
"Yeah, the Rift is tearing me a new one," she replies in an irritated voice, and she pushes herself up slowly to sit in front of me. She keeps blinking like she's about to pass out again. "Look, Owen, I get that you're feeling guilty, and you wanna make it up to me about everything, but I need some alone time right now. I need to figure out what the Rift is doing so that I can help it."

Now that I'm confused by. "Help the Rift? It's not a living thing, Evy; all we can do is close it."
She shakes her head, wincing as she does and causing me to grab her hand in shocked worry. "No," she says, "the Rift is a living thing. It's a working tear in time and space - it can sense and change and express. That's why it needs to be handled with care."
That last part makes me wince in turn, knowing that I haven't done what was right.

I so want to make it right. But I'm just me - I don't know how.

I crouch down to her level and gently push her shoulder down until she's lying horizontally over the duvet again. She doesn't need the covers; she's burning up under my palm.
"I'm not going back to work until you're better," I decide firmly.
Eyes closing again, she tries to protest: "But Jac-"
"I don't care about him," as much as I love you, I add in my head, but I don't think now is the right time to confess. Instead I pat her head, softly stroking her brunette hair. It hasn't been washed for a few days and is all over tangles, not to mention the insane amounts of sweat coming off of her and making her roots damp. My heart aches with guilt. I want to text Ianto and apologise for how much of a dick I was with Lisa because I get it now. I get how he was feeling when he knew he had no choice.

I continue stroking her hair nonetheless. "I'm staying here," I repeat, "I want to take care of you. I'm a doctor - it's my job. Fuck Jack. I want to make sure you're safe."
She reaches up with a last ounce of energy and clutches my hand, curling hers inside and bringing it down to her face. She plants a delicate kiss on my knuckle, making my breath catch.

"Thank you. And I promise, it will be okay."

We both know it's a lie.