His Forced Wife

32 | Never Apart

Vanraj :

Malvika stormed off in annoyance.

I sat back on the bed in silence. It ached, every moment, every breath.. the realisation that probably just like Meera, I didn't deserve her.

Probably forgetting her birthday or favourite food was not a big deal for her but she doesn't realise this is exactly how it had been with me.

I was afraid of myself.
Probably much more than the darkness or the divorce or the fact that Malvika too would leave me.

The room suddenly felt suffocating. My breath seemed caught up, my fingers shivered.

It's all right.. calm down..

It was a strange feeling, on one hand I wanted to clutch into her with all my life but on the other it just felt wrong on my part, it just felt like I'd eventually hurt her.

"Vanraj..?", The door creaked open.
I looked up.
Adityaraj Rathore walked in, still in his suave black suit, his favourite lion broach on his suit.
He looked concerned.

I nodded, my throat was numb.
He drew in a deep breath as he came and sat down beside me.

"So what is it now?", He asked softly.
"Nothing.", I said sounding raspy and hoarse.

We never really had deep conversations. There was still a lingering awkwardness.

His lips broke into a smile.
I realised for the first time, how familiar we looked. Especially the lower half of the face.

"You're good at hiding, aren't you?", He asked.
I didn't reply because he was so absolutely true.
From hiding cigarette packets in my teenage years to hiding an extramarital affair to now hiding my insecurities.

"Ah.. let's talk about something else..", He said drawing in another deep breath.
You know when I met Vanshika I was an absolute brat. I loved drinking, wasting money and of course was an absolute chain smoker.", He said, looking at the wall before him, with a soft smile.
"My father hated me, and I absolutely loved the hate. Anyways he never truly loved me.. I had always wished I'd be a better father than him..", His voice broke a little.

I gulped looking down.

"You both could have had another child.", I said, the question always bothered me.. why did they chose to live childless?

He looked at me, the subtle smile intact. I thought I saw some moisture in his eyes.

"Because we couldn't possibly have another.", He said, looking down,
"My father hated me for many reasons and of all, one was definitely the fact that I had a problem with being a parent. To be very honest you were a miracle.", He said as he looked up,

"I loved you with all my life..", A tear slipped down his eye.

He slowly placed his hand on my cheek.

"I know you're in unimaginable pain, Vanraj. You're torn apart because that is what guilt does. I couldn't sleep for years after my father passed away in poverty... But trust me, this will do you no good.", He said, clearing his throat.

I sat still.
Was this a real father son talk?
I had never done this before.

"I.. I just don't think I deserve her..", I mumbled, as I felt the knot in my chest opening, tears rolling down my eyes.
He inched closer to me and wiped my eyes with both his hands.
"Listen to me carefully kid..", He said, now brushing my hair backwards comfortingly, like a father would do to his five year old son.

At this age, being treated like a child felt surreal.

"Malvika deserves you simply because she loves you. She loves you, Vanraj. And that reason is more than enough for her to stay with you.", He said, looking me in the eye.